MAKING AND KEEPING PROMISES
There are many ways to gain or lose trust as a supervisor; one of the fastest ways to lose the trust of others is to make promises you can’t keep. I have learned some things over the years as a government supervisor that have helped me get better at making and keeping promises.
My first big awareness came after I had been supervising project teams for about five years. A colleague I respected a great deal said to me after a meeting (in which I had agreed that my team would be the first group to launch a new software tool), “You look exhausted and now you have this new pressure on you. You need to take care of yourself or you won’t be any good to anyone.”
Saying “yes” was my way of showing senior leadership that I supported the initiative, but I knew the offer to be the first team to launch would put a lot of stress on my team. We would have to shift a lot of other projects, and I didn’t even know if it was possible to make all the changes that would be necessary. As I was driving home from work that night, my colleague’s words kept coming back to me; by the time I arrived home, I was feeling I had made a promise I would not be able to keep. I took a few minutes before starting dinner to write down things we would need to address to be able to launch the software tool; this made me feel even more unsettled. I decided to sleep on it and see how I felt in the morning.
The alarm went off and I was quick to get out of bed because I was going to do something I find to be a balance-maker in my life—a quick run on my favorite weekday running path. Once on the trail, I knew my thoughts would go right to my dilemma. The first thought that came to me was about why I had stepped into the situation. The running time to think helped me get to the place I needed to be when I arrived in the office. I suggested to my supervisor that all the team leads get back together to talk through the best approach for launching the software tool to minimize the impact on the teams and to help us get to full implementation.
The learning that took place as a result of my colleague’s warning has stayed with me. While I am certainly better about making promises today, I have come to appreciate that I will always need reminders to help me avoid overpromising.
As a supervisor, you will have many occasions to make and keep promises—to yourself and others. If you are clear about your priorities, what you value as important, and what it takes to make things happen, you will win the trust of others and be able to keep the promises you make to yourself.
More to Think About and Try
Be open-minded. Just as there are two sides to every coin, there are two sides to making promises. One side of the promise coin is you and the other side of the promise coin is others. Once I began to look at making promises from this perspective, it became easier for me to see the full impact of the promises I was making. I also learned that when I looked at only one side of a situation, I did not get the best outcome for all.
Realize that you can’t please everyone. Have you ever been told you are a pleaser? I have, and I have come to realize that this quality is at the core of what causes me to make promises I am not always able to keep. While being a pleaser connects to my basic value system and the importance I place on helping and supporting others, I have had to learn how to keep this quality in check so I do not overcommit myself.
Understand your intentions when making a promise. If you are clear about why it is important to make the promise, you will be able to fully and genuinely make a commitment. Your hesitations will go away and you will be able to focus on making the promise a reality. When my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all aligned, I know the right things will happen.
Break the promise or goal into smaller, more manageable pieces to minimize surprises. “Chunking” a project will enable you to see, check, and show progress toward achieving the promise. It also keeps you from feeling overwhelmed. With smaller pieces, it is easier to check in periodically on what you intend to deliver. If you find it is not possible to keep a promise, you will be in a better position to raise the issue early, consider the consequences, and if appropriate, renegotiate the promise.
Seek support from others to help you be accountable for keeping your promises. Routinely seek the help of others to help you continue to learn about yourself in new and different supervisory situations and how you will respond when you need to make a promise.