第4章 走调职员(1)

1 Fresh Milk

Customer： I wonder if this milk is fresh.

Waiter： Fresh？Three hours ago it was grass！

新鲜奶

顾客：我想知道这牛奶是否新鲜。

侍者：新鲜？三小时前它还是草呢！

2 Argue

A pair of economists went to a restaurant for lunch.

"Never mind the food."one said to the waitress，"Just bring us the bill，so we can argue about it."

争论

两名经济学家走进一家饭店吃午饭。

“不要管是什么菜，”其中一位对女侍者说，“请把账单拿来，这样我们就能争论了。”

3 Do What You Can

In a courtroom，the judge sentenced a criminal to thirty years in prison and the prisoner said，"But Sir，I won’to live that long！"

So the judge replied，"Don’t worry，just do what you can！"

尽力就好

在法庭上，法官宣判某个罪犯要服三十年徒刑。犯人说：“法官，我活不了那么久啊！”

法官说：“别担心！你尽力而为就好。”

4 What Should I Do

A man was at the doctor’s office."Every time I drink a cup of coffee，Doctor，I have a stabbing pain in my right eye.What should I do？"he asked.

"Take the spoon out of your coffee cup."answered the doctor.

我该怎么办

“医生，每次我喝咖啡，右眼都有一种刺痛感。我该怎么办？”他问道。

“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”医生回答说。

5 Interview God

A reporter covering a coal‐mine disaster filed a story that began： "God looked at the grief today in this little West Virginia mining town，and He wept."

The city editor emailed back，"Forget the mine cave‐in.Interview God."

采访上帝

一名记者报道一次煤矿惨案时，发出的新闻是这样开始的：

“上帝看着这座小小的西弗吉尼亚矿城今天沉浸在悲痛之中，也禁不住哭泣。”

城里的编辑回信说：“别再报道矿井坍塌事件了，采访上帝。”

6 Yes or No

Approaching a passerby，a street bum asked，"Sir，would you give me a hundred dollar for a cup of coffee？"

"That’s ridiculous！"the man replied.

"Just a yes or no，fella，"the beggar growled."I don’t need a lecture about how to run my business."

是与否

街头流浪汉走近一个行人，问道：“先生，你愿意给我一百元买一杯咖啡吗？”

“真荒唐！”那人答道。

“伙计，只说行或不行，”乞丐咆哮说，“我不需要谁来教训我怎样经营自己的生意。”

7 How to Do It

A schoolgirl was sitting with her feet stretched far out into the aisle，and was busily chewing gum，when the teacher espied her.

"Sheila！"called the teacher sharply.

"Yes，sir？"questioned the girl.

"Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in！"

怎样做

一女生坐在座位上，嘴里拼命地嚼着口香糖，脚还伸到过道里，被老师给看见了。

“希拉！”老师大声地叫她。

“怎么了，老师？”这个女孩问道。

“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把你的脚放进去！”

8 Sooner or Later

A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.

Judge： Have you ever stolen things？

Thief： Oh，now and then.

Judge： And where have you stolen these things？

Thief： Oh，here and there.

Judge： Right.Lock him up，officer.

Thief： Hey，when do I get out jail？

Judge： Oh，sooner or later.

迟早

一个有一长串案底的小偷被带到法官面前。

法官：你有没有偷东西？

小偷：噢，偶尔。

法官：你在哪儿偷的东西？

小偷：噢，到处。

法官：好吧。把他拷起来，警官。

小偷：嘿，我什么时候能出狱？

法官：噢，迟早。

9 Let Me Know What You Think

Despite his best sales pitch，a life‐insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy.

"I certainly don’t want to frighten you into a decision."he announced，standing up to leave，"Please sleep on it tonight，and if you wake up in the morning，let me know what you think."

告诉我你们的想法

尽管推销手段非常高超，但这名人寿保险推销员还是没能让一对夫妇签下这一单。

“我确实不想吓唬你们作决定，”他站起来要离开时说，“请今晚睡觉时好好想想，如果你们第二天早上能醒来的话，务必把你们的想法告诉我。”

10 Two Attorneys

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks.Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.The owner marched over and told them，"You can’t eat your own sandwiches here！"

The attorneys looked at each other，shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

两个律师

两个律师走进一个餐厅要了两杯饮料，从手提箱中拿出三明治开始吃起来。

餐厅老板走过来警告说：“你们不能在这里吃自己的三明治。”

两个律师对看了一眼，耸耸肩，然后交换了手中的三明治。

11 He’s Not Doing Any Digging

The squad was having visual training.One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots，but without hesitation the recruit replied，"Sixteen men and a sergeant，sir."

"Right，but how do you know there’s a sergeant there？"

"He’s not doing any digging，sir."

他没有在挖

分队正在进行视力训练。一个机灵的新兵被分队长叫出来，清点远处旷野上采掘队的人数。挖掘队离得很远，那些人看起来只是一些小黑点，但这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答说：“16名士兵、一个军士，长官。”

“不错，但你怎么知道那里有一个军士？”

“他没有在挖，队长。”

12 Connection

When I went to a country inn for lunch，an eager young hostess with a lovely French accent said，"This way，monsieur."I’ve spent quite a bit of time in France and always welcome the opportunity to practice the language.

"And what is your connection with France？"I asked in French.

Without turning a hair，she replied in perfect English，"Oh，my parents spent their honeymoon there."

联系

我去一家乡村酒店吃午饭时，一个操着甜美法国口音的年轻女招待说：“先生，这边请。”我已经在法国度过了相当一段时间，总是期待这种难得的锻炼语言的机会。

“你和法国有什么联系吗？”我用法语问道。

她连头也没回，用完美的英语回答说：“噢，我的父母亲曾在那里度过蜜月。”

13 Keep Secret

A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out‐of‐town meeting that did not finish until rather late.They decided to have something to eat before going home but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar‐and‐grill with a questionable reputation.

After being served，one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace."I’d rather not，"the clergyman said，"I don’t want him to know I’m here."

向主保密

一位着名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。

饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想还是免了吧，”牧师说，“我不想让主知道我在这里。”

14 Make Him a Conductor

My musical director wasn’t happy with the performance of one of our percussionists.Repeated attempts to get the drummr to improve failed.Finally，in front of the orchestra，the director said in frustration，"When a musician just can’t handle his instrument，they take it away，give him two sticks and make him a drummer！"A whisper was heard from the percussion section，"And if he can’t handle that，they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

让他当乐队指挥

我们的乐队指挥对一个打击乐手的表现很不满意。尽管再三试着让那个鼓手有所长进却还是失败了。最后，在整个管弦乐队面前，指挥沮丧地说：“如果一个音乐家就是演奏不好他的乐器，那别人就会把乐器拿走，给他两根棍子，让他当一个鼓手！”这时，打击乐器那块儿有人咕哝说：“然而如果他连鼓都打不好，那别人就拿走其中一根棍子，让他当乐队指挥。”

15 You Were the Closest

An accountant answered an ad for a top job with a large firm.At the end of the interview，the chairman said，"One last question-what is four times eight？"

The accountant thought for a moment and replied，"Thirty‐ three."