第6章 神级回复(2)
15 A Rule
Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbor."May I borrow a book from you？"he asked politely.
"Yes，you’re more than welcome to it，"the neighbor told him，"But I must ask you to read it here.You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library."
Some days later，the neighbor wished to borrow Twain’s mower."Why，certainly."Twain told him，"You’re more than welcome to it.But I must ask you to use it here.You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden."
规矩
有一次，马克·吐温去一位邻居家借一本书。“我可以向你借一本书吗？”他彬彬有礼地问道。
“可以，非常乐意借给你，”邻居对他说，“但我要求你必须在这里读。你知道我定有一条规矩，从来不让任何一本书离开我的书房。”
几天后，这位邻居想从马克·吐温那里借一台割草机。“噢，当然可以，”吐温对他说，“非常乐意借给你。但我要求你一定要在这里用。你知道我定有一条规矩，从来不让它离开我的花园。”
16 On The Beach
One day ，Tom was sunbathing naked at the beach.For the sake of civility，and to keep it from getting sunburned，he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says，"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
Tom raised an eyebrow and replied，"If you are a beauty it would lift itself."
沙滩上的对话
一天，汤姆沙滩上裸晒。为了文明他给私处盖上草帽，以防太阳灼伤自己。
一个陌生女子路过，取笑他：“如果你是绅士，你就应该举起草帽向女士敬礼。”
汤姆扬了扬他的一侧眉毛，答道：“如果你是美人的话，它会自动举起来的。”
17 You Must Be an Expert
Little Bill was playing with his father’s wallet when he accidentally swallowed a coin.He went crying to his mom.
The parents took the boy to a doctor，who said that the coin was impossible to remove without surgery.
They consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion.Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy.
He turned little Bill upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and，sure enough，the coin rolled out.
Everyone was amazed.The father said，"You must be an expert！"The man replied，"No sir.I’m just a tax collector."
你一定是一位专家
小比尔在玩爸爸的钱包，一不小心吞下了一枚硬币。他的父母带他看医生，医生说只有动手术才才能把硬币弄出来。
父母咨询了一位专科大夫，专科大夫也认为要动手术。这时一个男的过来说他可以立马把钱币弄出来。
那人把小比尔头朝下倒了过来，在脖子后面一个位置很精准地拍了几下，果然，钱币出来了。
在场的人都感到很惊讶。小比尔爸爸说：“你一定是位专家！”那个男的回答道：“先生，我不是，我只是个收税的。”
18 Bicycle
Bella is buying some things at hardware store.The storekeeper has many bicycles in the store and wants to sell one to Bella.He says，"Look here，Bella.I have some very good bicycles to sell.I can sell you a first‐class bicycle and you can ride around your farm on it every day."
"Oh，no，"says Bella，"I don’t want a bicycle.I think a cow is more in my style，and the price is the same."
"But just think，"says the storekeeper，"can you ride around a town on a cow？That’s foolish."
"Oh，I don’t know，"says Bella with a smile，"which is more foolish，to ride on a cow or to milk a bicycle."
自行车
贝拉到五金商店买东西。店里有好多自行车，店主想推销一辆给贝拉。他说：“贝拉，你看，我这里有一些质量一流的自行车，我把最好的卖给你，这样你就可以骑着它每天在你的农场里四处转悠了。”
“噢，不，”贝拉说，“我不要自行车。我想奶牛更适合我的风格，再说牛和自行车的价钱也一样。”
店主说：“可你想想，你能骑着一头奶牛在城里逛吗？那样做非常愚蠢。”
贝拉笑着说：“噢，我不知道哪个更愚蠢，是骑牛还是给自行车挤奶？”
19 Hogarth
One day，Hogarth was asked to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea.A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected.When the work was completed，the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
"What’s this？"exclaimed the purchaser，"I asked for the Red Sea，on the occasion of the celebrated passage."
"That’s it."replied Hogarth.
"But，where are the Israelites？"
"They are all gone over."
"Where are the Egyptians？"
"They’re all drowned."
霍迦斯
一天，有人请霍迦斯画一幅法老渡红海图。这幅画刚开始画不久，酬金就出现了问题。霍迦斯发现，完成这幅画后，他只能得到他想要的大约一半的钱。当作品完成之后，那位主顾被请来看画。其实，这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。
“这是什么？”那位买主喊了起来，“我要的是红海，是那次着名的航海。”
“这就是。”霍迦斯回答说。
“可是以色列人在哪儿？”
“他们都已经渡过去了。”
“埃及人在哪儿？”
“他们全都淹死了。”
20 A Wise Man’s Advice
The boss of an old American Company was a well‐known miser.One day he went to a business consultant’s office and said to the consultant：
"It will be the 50th anniversary of my company next Sunday.I’ll pay you 10 dollars if you could tell me how to make the anniversary celebration most spectacular without paying a cent，with the result that my employees will be happy."
"That’s simple."said the consultant，"All you have to do is to take this 10‐dollar note back，buy a rope with it，and hang yourself with the rope at the celebration.It will be the most spectacular celebration in American history，and you’ll make all your employees most happy without paying a cent."
金玉良言
一家老牌美国公司的老板是个人人皆知的吝啬鬼。一天，他来到自己业务顾问的办公室说：“下星期日是我公司成立50周年的纪念日。如果你能告诉我怎样在不花一分钱的情况下举办一场最为壮观的周年庆祝会，并使我的所有职员都感到快乐，我就给你10美元。”
“那很简单，”顾问说，“你只要把这10美元的钞票拿回去买一根绳子，之后你在庆祝会上用这根绳悬梁自尽，那将成为美国历史上最壮观的庆祝会，并且你还能在不花一分钱的情况下使你所有的职员感受到最大的快乐。”
21 Ask for a Job with the Circus
A young man asked for a job with the circus，any job at all，as long as he could be with the circus.The circus manager decided to give the young man a chance to become an assistant lion tamer and took him out to the become cage.
The head lion tamer，a beautiful young woman was just starting her rehearsal.Entering the cage，she removed her cape with a flourish，and standing in a gorgeous costume，she motioned to a lion.Obediently the lion crept toward the young woman and then rolled over twice.
"Well，"said the manager to the young man，"do you think you can learn to do that？"
"I’m sure I could，sir."replied the young man，"But first you’ll have to get that lion out of there."
马戏团的工作
一个年轻人向马戏团寻求工作，什么工作都可以，只要他能跟着这个马戏团。马戏团的经理决定给这个年轻人一个机会，让他成为一名驯狮助理，于是把他带到训练笼里。
领头的驯狮人是一位漂亮的年轻姑娘，她正要开始排练。进入笼子后，她把自己的披肩一甩，穿着华丽的戏服站在那里，向狮子做起手势。狮子顺从地走向这个姑娘，然后打了两个滚。
“嗯，你觉得你能学习做这些吗？”经理对年轻人说道。
“我确定我能，先生。”年轻人回答，“但是首先你得把狮子赶出去。”
22 A Heavy Sleeper
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell a sleep during the sermon.