第2章 动物也疯狂(2)
“你是怎样做的呢？”第二个牧师惊喜地问道。
“我只是给它们洗礼了一下，让它们坚定了信念。”他回答说，“从那以后，我再也没见过它们。”
11 Elephant VS Ants Soccer Game
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle，so the elephants decided to challenge the ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the elephants beating the ants，when the ants gained possession.
The ants’star player was dribbling the ball towards the elephants’goal when the elephants’left back came lumbering towards him.The elephant trod on the little ant，killing him instantly.
The referee stopped the game."What the hell do you think you’re doing？Do you call that sportsmanship，killing another player？"
The elephant replied，"Well，I didn’t mean to kill him-I was just trying to trip him up."
大象对蚂蚁的足球赛
在一个周日下午的丛林里，大象觉得无聊，于是提出跟蚂蚁比赛踢足球。
比赛顺利进行，大象队赢球，此时，蚂蚁队控球。
蚂蚁队的球星正在运球，准备将球踢进大象队的球门，大象队的左后卫迈着笨重的步伐向蚂蚁跑来，只见大象一脚踩在小蚂蚁上，一下就把他给踩死了。
裁判终止了比赛。“你在做什么？你认为杀死对手符合比赛精神吗？”
大象回答：“嗯，我不是要杀死他，我只是想把他绊倒。”
12 Ambitious Dog Mother
A guy walks into bar a small dog.The bartender said，"Get out of here with that dog！"
"But this isn’t just a dog-this dog can play the piano！"The bartender replies，"Well，if it can play that piano，you both can stay and have a drink on the house！"So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool，and the dog starts playing.Ragtime，Mozart...and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in，grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck，and drags him out.The bartender asks the guy，"What was that all about？"
The guy replies，"Oh，that was its mother.She wanted him to be a doctor."
望子成龙的狗妈妈
一个人带着一只小狗进了酒吧。酒吧招待说：“狗不能进来，你们快出去！”
这个人说：“这只狗可不是一般的狗啊，它会弹钢琴。”
招待回答说：“好吧，它要真能弹钢琴，你们就可以留下，酒水还可以免费。”于是这个人就把小狗放到了钢琴凳上，狗就开始演奏了。它弹了拉格泰姆和莫扎特等人的曲子，酒吧招待和顾客们都很喜欢。
这时，突然跑进来一直大狗，咬住小狗的脖子，把它拖了出去。酒吧招待问那个人：“这是怎么回事啊？”
那人回答说：“哦，那是它妈妈，她想让儿子成为一名医生而不是钢琴家。”
13 I Am Called the Blister
In the animal court，lion judge is examining three ducks.
The lion asked the first one，"What name are you called？""Flower."
The lion asked，"Why are you taken here？""I hit the blister to have a fun while swimming."
The lion judge thought that there was nothing wrong with that behavior，so he asked the first duck to leave.
The lion asked the second，"What name are you called？""I am called mao."
The lion asked，"Why are you taken here？""I hit the blister to have a fun while swimming."
The lion also asked it to leave.
The lion asked the third black and blue duck，"What name are you called？"
The duck said，"I am called the blister."
我叫水泡
在动物法院里，狮子法官正在审三只鸭子。
狮子问第一只：“你叫什么名字啊？”“花。”
狮子问：“你为什么被带到这里来啊？”“我在游泳时打水泡玩。”
狮子法官认为这并没有什么错，就让它走了。
狮子又问第二只：“你叫什么名字啊？”“毛。”
狮子问：“你为什么被带到这里来啊？”“我在游泳时打水泡玩。”
狮子也让它走了。
狮子又问第三只鼻青脸肿的鸭子：“你叫什么名字啊？”
鸭子说：“我叫水泡。”
14 The Story of the Bats
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night，thirsty for blood.One says，"Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We’re new here."says the second one，"It’s dark out，and we don’t know where to look.We’d better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies，"Who needs them？I can find some blood somewhere."He flies out of the cave.
When he returns，he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly，"Where did you get the blood？"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave.Pointing into the night，he asks，"See that black building over there？"
"Yes."the other bat answers.
"Well，"says the first bat，"I didn’t."
蝙蝠的故事
两只吸血蝙蝠在午夜醒来，非常想喝血。一个说：“我们飞到洞外找点儿血来喝吧。”
“我们对这儿还不熟，”另一个说，“现在外面很黑，我们不知道去哪儿找。等别的蝙蝠陪我们去比较好。”
第一只蝙蝠回答道：“谁需要他们？我一定能在某个地方找到血。”他飞出洞外。
当他回来的时候，全身是血。
第二只蝙蝠激动地说：“你在哪儿找到的血？”
第一只蝙蝠带着他的伙伴来到洞口，指着黑夜问：“看见那边那座黑色的建筑了吗？”
“看到了。”另一只蝙蝠回答。
“嗯，”第一只说，“我没看到。”
15 A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mouse，so she ran out of the house，got into a bus and went to the shops.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her，"Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap，but when she looked in her cupboard，she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop，because it was very late，so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly，the picture of the cheese was quite successful！When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning，she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese！
势均力敌
有一天，一位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”
这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再跑一趟商店，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。
令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了！第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片！
16 A Duck in a Convenience Store
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk，"Do you have any grapes？"The clerk says no，and the duck leaves.
The next day，the duck returns and asks，"Do you have any grapes？"
The clerk again says no and the duck leaves.
The day after that，the duck walks in the store again and asks，"Do you have any grapes？"The clerk screams at the duck，"You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes.I told you every time that we don’t have any grapes！I swear if you come back in here again and ask for grapes，I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor！！"
The duck left，and returned the next day.This time he asked，"Do you have any nails？"The clerk replied，"No."
And the duck said，"Good！Got any grapes？"
便利店里的鸭子
鸭子走进一家便利店并问店员：“你们有葡萄吗？”店员说没有，于是鸭子离开了。
第二天，这只鸭子又来了，问：“你们有葡萄吗？”店员再次说没有，于是这只鸭子走了。
第三天，鸭子再一次走进这家店，问：“你们有葡萄吗？”店员对鸭子尖叫道：“你前两天已经来过这里问我们有没有葡萄，我每次都告诉你说我们没有葡萄！我发誓如果你再来这儿问有没有葡萄，我一定把你的脚钉在地板上！！”
鸭子离开了，可是第二天他又来了。这次他问：“你们有钉子吗？”店员回答：“没有。”
于是鸭子说：“好！有葡萄吗？”