The importance of taking action anyway

Shari Levine, an executive vice president at Bravo Media, told me over lunch that she often interviewed for jobs she would need to grow into. She has used her confidence and straight-talking ability to land several of these positions.

In fact, most senior women leaders have had to take big risks to get bigger jobs. They may have felt shaky and unsure about their qualifications, but they took action anyway. In doing so, they moved closer to their goals. Their commitment to making a difference was greater than any gender prejudice or self-doubt they might have felt.

Reaching a higher level is often an uphill battle, but shying away from the challenge deprives others of our valuable insights. We can no longer wait on the sidelines. My call to action is not just for the leaders at the top but for all of us: if you are not making a difference and you know you can, step up. Shari advised jokingly, “Just wear a skirt long enough to cover the fact that your knees are shaking.”

I’m sure that men could benefit from some of the material presented in this book. However, I chose to focus on how the traditional concept of confidence relates to women because false perceptions—myths about what confidence is—harm women more than men.

In The Confidence Code, journalists Katty Kay and Claire Shipman sift through the research and explore the differences between male and female workers—from the way we process information to the physiology of our brains, to the overt and subtle ways our culture determines who will ascend to high-level positions. They observed that women are seen as underconfident, underestimating their own knowledge and skills. Men, on the other hand, tend to be overconfident, more likely to have an inflated sense of who they are and what they can achieve.

Why shouldn’t women step into positions of more responsibility? Why not go for the bigger job, even if you don’t have all of the skills required? Why not reject the position you are overqualified for and counter with, “I want the job two levels higher”? Don’t listen to the negative voice that whispers, “You don’t have what it takes.” This attitude stems from prejudice, not truth.

The myth of the highly confident individual without fear must give way to a more realistic assessment of what confidence involves. A confident woman has the whole package: talent, insight, excitement, courage, and fear. Confidence is not the absence of discomfort; rather, it is taking action while having conflicting thoughts and sensations. We need to align our definition of confidence with Nelson Mandela’s understanding of courage: “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” Real confidence is acknowledging fear and moving forward anyway.