04 How Do Koreans Celebrate a Wedding?
In the past, parents in Korea arranged
marriages for their children. Usually, they hired a matchmaker to help them. A matchmaker was usually a woman in the village. People paid her to find a good match for their son or daughter. The couple usually did not meet each other until the day of the wedding.
Today there are two ways to get married in Korea. The first is by a love match: two people meet, fall in love, and get married. There is no need for a third person. The second way is an arranged marriage:a third person chooses two people to marry each other, and if the two families agree,the next step is to visit the fortune-teller.
Koreans believe in the “four pillars.” These are the year, month, day, and hour of a person's birth. A fortune-teller uses these four things to predict your destiny. Before a couple gets married, the fortune-teller looks at their four pillars to see whether they can be happy together. If the four pillars are bad for the couple, the family returns to the matchmaker to try again. If the four pillars are good for the couple, they can get engaged.
At the engagement ceremony, the two families get together. They can meet at the girl's house, a hotel, or a restaurant, but never at the boy's house. Today, families usually meet in a restaurant to set a date for the wedding. They always give each other lots of gifts. The two young people also exchange gifts. Some Korean families spend$30,000 to $40,000 on engagement gifts. One of the gifts to the girl's family is a special document. In the middle of a piece of expensive paper, her husband's four pillars are written in ink. The girl keeps this document all her life.
The time before the marriage ceremony is very exciting for the boy, called the groom, and the girl, called the bride. The groom's family sends a box of gifts (called a hahm) for the bride. Usually, the gifts are jewelry and red and blue fabric for a traditional dress. Friends of the groom deliver the box at night. They shout playfully,“Buy a hahm! Hahm for sale! ” The friends wait for the family to give them food and money, then they give the box of gifts to the girl.
The day of the wedding arrives! Traditionally, the groom first gives his new mother-in-law the gift of a goose. The goose is a symbol of love because a goose takes only one partner in its life. Today, the groom gives a goose made of wood. Then it's time for the ceremony. They have the ceremony at a table. The bride and groom sit at the table. They each have a cup full of a special wine, and they take a sip. Then someone takes the cups, mixes together the wine, and pours it into their cups again. The bride and groom each sip the mixed wine. This is a symbol of their new life together.
Korean Americans have a ceremony that is a little different. Family and close friends attend the ceremony. The new wife offers her in-laws gifts of dried fruits that represent children. This is a symbol of her wish to give them grandchildren. Her in-laws offer her tea. At the end of the ceremony,they throw fruit and chestnuts at the bride,and she tries to catch them in her skirt.
The wedding banquet follows. It is called“the noodle banquet”because there is a lot of noodle soup. As in China, noodles represent a long and happy life. For dessert, there are sweet cakes and a sweet, sticky rice ball. It has chestnuts, jujubes, raisins, and pine nuts. These are all symbols of children.
When the eldest son of a family gets married, it is traditional for his parents to move in with him and his new wife. This shows that the son will always take care of his parents, and that his wife will take care of his parents also.