第5章 C
Don't put all your eggs in one basket--try an incubator.
CAB Affair for a drive.
CABBY Driver for a fare.
CACHINNATION The hysterical "Ha-Ha." Syn. for Carrie Nation.
CADDIE A small boy, employed at a liberal stipend to lose balls for others and find them for himself.
CAFE A place where the public pays the proprietor for the privilege of tipping the waiters for something to eat.
CAJOLE v. t., From Grk. kalos, beautiful, and Eng. jolly, to jolly beautifully.
CALCIUM An earthly light that brightens even the stars.
CANNIBAL A heathen hobo who never works, but lives on other people.
CAPTIVATE From Lat. caput, head, and Eng. vacate, or empty,--to empty the head. Note, Women who have captivated men.
CAPE A neck in the sea.
CAPER A foot in the air.
CARNEGIE-ITIS A mania for burning money. Contracted in a Pennsylvania blast furnace, developed in a Scotch castle and now epidemic in American public libraries.
CART v. t., To take off.
CARTOON The take-off.
CAULIFLOWER A Cabbage with a college education.
CAVALRY That arm of the military service that engages in the real hoss-tilities.
CEMETERY The one place where princes and paupers, porters and presidents are finally on the dead level.
CHAMPAGNE The stuff that makes the world go round.
CHAIR Four-legged aid to the injured.
CHARITY Forehanded aid to the indigent.
CHAUFFEUR A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.
CHRISTIAN A member of any orthodox church.
CHRISTMAS A widely observed holiday on which the past nor the future is of so much interest as the present.
CHUMP Any one whose opinion differs radically from ours.
CIGARETTE A weed whose smoke, some say, should never be inhaled, and still more insist should never be exhaled.
CINDER One of the first things to catch your eye in travelling.
CIVILIZATION An upward growth or tendency that has enabled mankind to develop the college yell from what was once only a feeble war-whoop.
COLLECTOR A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.
COLLEGE From Fr. colle, pasted or stuck, and etude, study. A place where everyone is stuck on study.(?)
COLONEL A male resident of Kentucky. See KERNEL.
COMPLIMENT v. t., From Eng. con,--hot air, and Lat. pleo, to fill.
Hence, to fill with hot air.
COMPLEXION Color for the face. From Eng. complex, difficult, and shun, to avoid. To avoid difficulty, buy it of the druggist.
COMMENDATION From Eng. con, a josh, and mend, to fix up. Hence, a fixed-up josh.
CONDUCTOR From Eng. coin, and Lat. duco, to command. One who commands the coin.
CONSCIENCE The fear of being found out.
COOK A charitable institution, providing food and shelter for Policemen.
CORPS A big bunch of fighters. (Dist. bet. cores found in apples and corps found in arms).
CORSET From Fr. corps, shape, and sec, rough. Rough on the shape.
COSMETIC A new face-maker. From Grk. kosmos, order, and Eng. medic, or doctor,--ordered by the doctor. (See Complexion.)
COT A snooze for one.
COTILLON A dance for eight.
CREDIT Something for nothing.
CREDITOR Something with nothing.
CREDULITY A feminine virtue and a masculine vice.
CREMATION A means of disposing of the dead likely to become very popular, especially with women who are so fond of having the last retort.
CRITIC A wet blanket that soaks everything it touches.
CROOK One who exceeds the speed limit in Law & Order Ave. A Misfit in the Straight and Narrow Way.
CROW A bird that never complains without caws.
CULTURE A degree of mental development that produces tailor-made women, fantastically-sheared poodles and dock tailed horses.
CUPID A driver of sharp darts.
CUPIDITY A driver of sharp deals.
CYNIC A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
All work and no play makes Jack A Dead One.