第20章 R

Man proposes, then woman imposes.

RABBIT A small rodent, very similar to a hare, which feeds on grass and burrows in the earth. WELSH RABBIT More like a string, thrives on cheese and burrows in the stomach.

RACE-TRACK An interesting locality, where pools are bought and sold in books and the heat never interferes with the search for the Pole.

RADIUM A radiant radiator, redolent of ranging radial rays of radio-activity, raised to radical rates and regarded as a ruthless rake-off in the reign of riches within the arrayed radius of a raging, raving and raided race.

RAG-TIME Music pulled into many pieces--the invention of a flannel-mouth to which many have cottoned.

RAPID TRANSIT A municipal myth, circulated for the amusement of the long suffering--and slow moving--public.

REFORM In general, a periodic epidemic, starting with marked heat, followed by a high fever, and accompanied by a flow of ink in the newspapers, a discharge of words from the face and a rush of blood to the polls, leaving the victim a chronic invalid until the next campaign. In New York, reform has been confined to a Low attempt at government.

REFORMER One who, when he smells a rat, is eager to let the cat out of the bag.

REGISTER The only autograph album which it costs you money to write in.

REGRETS An excuse for non-attendance at a social function.

Occasionally, an expression of sorrow; usually, a paean of praise at deliverance from evil.

RELATIONS A tedious pack of people who haven't the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die.

RELIGION A cloak used by some persons in this world who will be warm enough without one in the next.

R. E. MORSE A veteran General who commands the largest army in the world.

REPARTEE The sassy habit of talking back.

REPUTATION A personal possession, frequently not discovered until lost.

RESIDENCE A rural locality inhabited annually--for a few hours--by a rich New Yorker or Bostonian.

RESOLUTION A fragile bit of crockery fashioned on the first day of January and usually broken on the second.

RESORT (SUMMER) A place where the tired grow more tired. From Eng. rest, and Grk. orizo, to limit. A place where rest is limited.

REST A trade in which every hobo holds a Union Card for life.

RESTAURANT An institution for the spread of dyspepsia. From Lat. restauro, to repair, and Grk. anti, against. After patronizing, you're "up against repairs."

RHETORIC Language in a dress suit.

RICE An effective field-piece, used for assaulting Chinamen or the newly-married.

ROQUEFORT A kind of cheese whose odor puts it easily in the first rank.

ROYCROFTER A successful book-maker on the East Aurora turf. From Fr. roi, king, and old Saxon crofter, or grafter. King of Grafters.

RUMOR The long-distance champion of the Human Race--a monster with more tales than an octopus.

RUST Physical dullness.

RUSTIC Mental dullness.

Beggars should never be choosers--though the beggar often chews what he begs.