第20章 THE SUNLIGHT LAY ACROSS MY BED(3)

And here and there I saw a woman sit apart.The others danced and sang and fed their children, but she sat silent with her head aside as though she listened.Her little children plucked her gown; she did not see them; she was listening to some sound, but she did not stir.

The revels grew higher.Men drank till they could drink no longer, and lay their heads upon the table sleeping heavily.Women who could dance no more leaned back on the benches with their heads against their lovers'

shoulders.Little children, sick with wine, lay down upon the edges of their mothers' robes.Sometimes, a man rose suddenly, and as he staggered struck the tables and overthrew the benches; some leaned upon the balustrades sick unto death.Here and there one rose who staggered to the wine jars and lay down beside them.He turned the wine tap, but sleep overcame him as he lay there, and the wine ran out.

Slowly the thin, red stream ran across the white marbled floor; it reached the stone steps; slowly, slowly, slowly it trickled down, from step to step, from step to step: then it sank into the earth.A thin white smoke rose up from it.

I was silent; I could not breathe; but God called me to come further.

And after I had travelled for a while I came where on seven hills lay the ruins of a mighty banquet-house larger and stronger than the one which Ihad seen standing.

I said to God, "What did the men who built it here?"God said, "They feasted."

I said, "On what?"

God said, "On wine."

And I looked; and it seemed to me that behind the ruins lay still a large circular hollow within the earth where a foot of the wine-press had stood.

I said to God, "How came it that this large house fell?"God said, "Because the earth was sodden."He called me to come further.

And at last we came upon a hill where blue waters played, and white marble lay upon the earth.I said to God, "What was here once?"God said, "A pleasure house."

I looked, and at my feet great pillars lay.I cried aloud for joy to God, "The marble blossoms!"God said, "Ay, 'twas a fairy house.There has not been one like to it, nor ever shall be.The pillars and the porticoes blossomed; and the wine cups were as gathered flowers: on this side all the curtain was broidered with fair designs, the stitching was of gold."I said to God, "How came it that it fell?"God said, "On the side of the wine-press it was dark."And as we travelled, we came where lay a mighty ridge of sand, and a dark river ran there; and there rose two vast mounds.

I said to God, "They are very mighty."

God said, "Ay, exceeding great."

And I listened.

God asked me what I was listening to.

And I said, "A sound of weeping, and I hear the sound of strokes, but Icannot tell whence it comes."

God said, "It is the echo of the wine-press lingering still among the coping-stones upon the mounds.A banquet-house stood here."And he called me to come further.

Upon a barren hill-side, where the soil was arid, God called me to stand still.And I looked around.

God said, "There was a feasting-house here once upon a time."I said to God, "I see no mark of any!"

God said, "There was not left one stone upon another that has not been thrown down." And I looked round; and on the hill-side was a lonely grave.

I said to God, "What lies there?"

He said, "A vine truss, bruised in the wine-press!"And at the head of the grave stood a cross, and on its foot lay a crown of thorns.

And as I turned to go, I looked backward.The wine-press and the banquet-house were gone; but the grave yet stood.

And when I came to the edge of a long ridge there opened out before me a wide plain of sand.And when I looked downward I saw great stones lie shattered; and the desert sand had half covered them over.

I said to God, "There is writing on them, but I cannot read it."And God blew aside the desert sand, and I read the writing: "Weighed in the balance, and found--" but the last word was wanting.

And I said to God, "It was a banquet-house?"God said, "Ay, a banquet-house."

I said, "There was a wine-press here?"

God said, "There was a wine-press."

I asked no further question.I was very weary; I shaded my eyes with my hand, and looked through the pink evening light.

Far off, across the sand, I saw two figures standing.With wings upfolded high above their heads, and stern faces set, neither man nor beast, they looked out across the desert sand, watching, watching, watching! I did not ask God what they were, for I knew what the answer would be.

And, further and yet further, in the evening light, I looked with my shaded eyes.

Far off, where the sands were thick and heavy, I saw a solitary pillar standing: the crown had fallen, and the sand had buried it.On the broken pillar sat a grey owl-of-the-desert, with folded wings; and in the evening light I saw the desert fox creep past it, trailing his brush across the sand.

Further, yet further, as I looked across the desert, I saw the sand gathered into heaps as though it covered something.

I cried to God, "Oh, I am so weary."

God said, "You have seen only one half of Hell."I said, "I cannot see more, I am afraid of Hell.In my own narrow little path I dare not walk because I think that one has dug a pitfall for me; and if I put my hand to take a fruit I draw it back again because I think it has been kissed already.If I look out across the plains, the mounds are burial heaps; and when I pass among the stones I hear them crying aloud.

When I see men dancing I hear the time beaten in with sobs; and their wine is living! Oh, I cannot bear Hell!"God said, "Where will you go?"

I said "To the earth from which I came; it was better there."And God laughed at me; and I wondered why he laughed.

God said, "Come, and I will show you Heaven."And partly I awoke.It was still and dark; the sound of the carriages had died in the street; the woman who laughed was gone; and the policeman's tread was heard no more.In the dark it seemed as if a great hand lay upon my heart, and crushed it.I tried to breathe and tossed from side to side;and then again I fell asleep, and dreamed.