第85章

I loved that first­it was so quick to recognize good things, to use them when they came, and give them out again as unconsciously as a flower does its breath.I longed for you to come home, and wanted you to find me altered for the better in some way as I had found you.And when you came it was very easy to see why I needed you­to love you entirely, and to tell you so.That's all, Rose."A short story, but it was enough­the voice that told it with such simple truth made the few words so eloquent, Rose felt strongly tempted to add the sequel Mac desired.But her eyes had fallen as he spoke, for she knew his were fixed upon her, dark and dilated, with the same repressed emotion that put such fervor into his quiet tones, and just as she was about to look up, they fell on a shabby little footstool.Trifles affect women curiously, and often most irresistibly when some agitation sways them.The sight of the old hassock vividly recalled Charlie, for he had kicked it on the night she never liked to remember.Like a spark it fired a long train of recollections, and the thought went through her mind: "Ifancied I loved him, and let him see it, but I deceived myself, and he reproached me for a single look that said too much.This feeling is very different, but too new and sudden to be trusted.I'll neither look nor speak till I am quite sure, for Mac's love is far deeper than poor Charlie's, and I must be very true."Not in words did the resolve shape itself, but in a quick impulse, which she obeyed­certain that it was right, since it was hard to yield to it.Only an instant's silence followed Mac's answer as she stood looking down with fingers intertwined and color varying in her cheeks.A foolish attitude, but Mac thought it a sweet picture of maiden hesitation and began to hope that a month's wooing was about to end in winning for a lifetime.

He deceived himself, however, and cold water fell upon his flame, subduing but by no means quenching it, when Rose looked up with an air of determination which could not escape eyes that were growing wonderfully farsighted lately.

"I came in here to beg Uncle to advise you to go away soon.You are very patient and forbearing, and I feel it more than I can tell.But it is not good for you to depend on anyone so much for your happiness, I think, and I know it is bad for me to feel that I have so much power over a fellow creature.Go away, Mac, and see if this isn't all a mistake.Don't let a fancy for me change or delay your work, because it may end as suddenly as it began, and then we should both reproach ourselves and each other.

Please do! I respect and care for you so much, I can't be happy to take all and give nothing.I try to, but I'm not sure­I want to think­it is too soon to know yet­"Rose began bravely, but ended in a fluttered sort of way as she moved toward the door, for Mac's face though it fell at first, brightened as she went on, and at the last word, uttered almost involuntarily, he actually laughed low to himself, as if this order into exile pleased him much.

"Don't say that you give nothing, when you've just shown me that I'm getting on.I'll go; I'll go at once, and see if absence won't help you 'to think, to know, and to be sure' as it did me.I wish I could do something more for you.As I can't, good-bye.""Are you going now? " And Rose paused in her retreat to look back with a startled face as he offered her a badly made pen and opened the door for her just as Dr.Alec always did; for, in spite of himself, Mac did resemble the best of uncles.

"Not yet, but you seem to be."

Rose turned as red as a poppy, snatched the pen, and flew upstairs, to call herself hard names as she industriously spoiled all Aunt Plenty's new pocket handkerchiefs by marking them "A.M.C."Three days later Mac said "good-bye" in earnest, and no one was surprised that he left somewhat abruptly, such being his way, and a course of lectures by a famous physician the ostensible reason for a trip to L? Uncle Alec deserted most shamefully at the last moment by sending word that he would be at the station to see the traveler off, Aunt Plenty was still in her room, so when Mac came down from his farewell to her, Rose met him in the hall, as if anxious not to delay him.She was a little afraid of another tête-à-tête, as she fared so badly at the last, and had assumed a calm and cousinly air which she flattered herself would plainly show on what terms she wished to part.

Mac apparently understood, and not only took the hint, but surpassed her in cheerful composure, for, merely saying "Good-bye, Cousin; write when you feel like it," he shook hands and walked out of the house as tranquilly as if only a day instead of three months were to pass before they met again.

Rose felt as if a sudden shower bath had chilled her and was about to retire, saying to herself with disdainful decision: "There's no love about it after all, only one of the eccentricities of genius," when a rush of cold air made her turn to find herself in what appeared to be the embrace of an impetuous overcoat, which wrapped her close for an instant, then vanished as suddenly as it had come, leaving her to hide in the sanctum and confide to Psyche with a tender sort of triumph in her breathless voice: "No, no, it isn't genius­ that must be love!"