第66章

"That you go with us." And, holding the hands fast, he added rapidly, "Let me finish before you speak.I don't mean that anything is to be changed till you are ready, but if you go, I am willing to give up everything else and live anywhere as long as you like.Why shouldn't you come to us for a year or two? We've never had our share.Father would be delighted, mother contented, and I the happiest man alive.""Who made this plan?" asked Rose as soon as she got the breath which certainly had been rather taken away by this entirely new and by no means agreeable scheme.

"Mother suggested it­I shouldn't have dared even to dream of such richness.I'd made up my mind to go alone, and when I told her, she was in despair till this superb idea came into her head.After that, of course, it was easy enough for me to stick to the resolution I'd made.""Why did you decide to go, Charlie?" And Rose looked up into the eyes that were fixed beseechingly on hers.

They wavered and glanced aside, then met hers honestly yet full of humility, which made her own fall as he answered very low: "Because I don't dare to stay.""Is it so hard?" she said pitifully.

"Very hard.I haven't the moral courage to own up and face ridicule, and it seems so mean to hide for fear of breaking my word.I will keep it this time, Rose, if I go to the ends of the earth to do it.""It is not cowardly to flee temptation, and nobody whose opinion is worth having will ridicule any brave attempt to conquer one's self.Don't mind it, Charlie, but stand fast, and I am sure you will succeed.""You don't know what it is, and I can't tell you, for till I tried to give it up I never guessed what a grip it had on me.I thought it was only a habit, easy to drop when I liked, but it is stronger than I, and sometimes I feel as if possessed of a devil that will get the better of me, try as I may."He dropped her hands abruptly as he said that, with the energy of despair;and, as if afraid of saying too much, he left her for a minute, striking away at full speed, as if in truth he would "go to the ends of the earth"to escape the enemy within himself.

Rose stood still, appalled by this sudden knowledge of how much greater the evil was than she had dreamed.What ought she to do? Go with her cousin, and by so doing tacitly pledge herself as his companion on that longer journey for which he was as yet so poorly equipped? Both heart and conscience protested against this so strongly that she put the thought away.But compassion pleaded for him tenderly, and the spirit of self-sacrifice, which makes women love to give more than they receive, caused her to feel as if in a measure this man's fate lay in her hands, to be decided for good or ill through her.How should she be true both to him and to herself?

Before this question could be answered, he was back again, looking as if he had left his care behind him, for his moods varied like the wind.

Her attitude, as she stood motionless and alone with downcast face, was so unlike the cheerful creature who came to meet him an hour ago, it filled him with self-reproach, and, coming up, he drew one hand through his arm, saying, as she involuntarily followed him, "You must not stand still.Forget my heroics and answer my question.Will you go with us, Rose?""Not now­that is asking too much, Charlie, and I will promise nothing, because I cannot do it honestly," she answered, so firmly that he knew appeal was useless.

"Am I to go alone, then, leaving all I care for behind me?""No, take your mother with you, and do your best to reunite your parents.

You could not give yourself to a better task.""She won't go without you."

"I think she will if you hold fast to your resolution.You won't give that up, I hope?""No­I must go somewhere, for I can't stay here, and it may as well be India, since that pleases Father," answered Charlie doggedly.

"It will more than you can imagine.Tell him all the truth, and see how glad he will be to help you, and how sincerely he will respect you for what you've done.""If you respect me, I don't care much about the opinion of anyone else,"answered Charlie, clinging with a lover's pertinacity to the hope that was dearest.

"I shall, if you go manfully away and do the duty you owe your father and yourself.""And when I've done it, may I come back to be rewarded, Rose?" he asked, taking possession of the hand on his arm as if it was already his.

"I wish I could say what you want me to.But how can I promise when I am not sure of anything? I don't love you as I ought, and perhaps I never shall­so why persist in making me bind myself in this way? Be generous, Charlie, and don't ask it," implored Rose, much afflicted by his persistence.

"I thought you did love me­it looked very like it a month ago, unless you have turned coquette, and I can't quite believe that," he answered bitterly.

"I was beginning to love you, but you made me afraid to go on,"murmured Rose, trying to tell the truth kindly.

"That cursed custom! What can a man do when his hostess asks him to drink wine with her?" And Charlie looked as if he could have cursed himself even more heartily.

"He can say 'no.' "

"I can't."

"Ah, that's the trouble! You never learned to say it even to yourself, and now it is so hard, you want me to help you.""And you won't."

"Yes, I will, by showing you that I can say it to myself, for your sake." And Rose looked up with a face so full of tender sorrow he could not doubt the words which both reproached and comforted him.

"My little saint! I don't deserve one half your goodness to me, but I will, and go away without one complaint to do my best, for your sake,"he cried, touched by her grief and stirred to emulation by the example of courage and integrity she tried to set him.

Here Kitty and Steve bore down upon them; and, obeying the impulse to put care behind them, which makes it possible for young hearts to ache one minute and dance the next, Rose and Charlie banished their troubles, joined in the sport that soon turned the lonely little bay into a ballroom, and enjoyed the splendors of a winter sunset forgetful of separation and Calcutta.