第3章 THE LOTUS(3)
There is great pity for her in my heart.Her wickednesses are abominable, and but to think of them makes my flesh creep.But the more wicked she is, the more do I lament for her.I weep when I think that the devils will torment her to all eternity."As he was meditating in this way, he saw a little jackal lying at his feet.He felt much surprised, for the door of his cell had been closed since the morning.The animal seemed to read the Abbot's thoughts, and wagged its tail like a dog.Paphnutius made the sign of the cross and the beast vanished.He knew then that, for the first time, the devil had entered his cell, and he uttered a short prayer; then he thought again about Thais.
"With God's help," he said to himself, "I must save her." And he slept.
The next morning, when he had said his prayers, he went to see the sainted Palemon, a holy hermit who lived some distance away.He found him smiling quietly as he dug the ground, as was his custom.Palemon was an old man, and cultivated a little garden; the wild beasts came and licked his hands, and the devils never tormented him.
"May God be praised, brother Paphnutius," he said, as he leaned upon his spade.
"God be praised!" replied Paphnutius."And peace be unto my brother.""The like peace be unto thee, brother Paphnutius," said Palemon; and he wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve.
"Brother Palemon, all our discourse ought to be solely the praise of Him who has promised to be wheresoever two or three are gathered together in His Name.That is why I come to you concerning a design Ihave formed to glorify the Lord."
"May the Lord bless thy design, Paphnutius, as He has blessed my lettuces.Every morning He spreads His grace with the dew on my garden, and His goodness causes me to glorify Him in the cucumbers and melons which He gives me.Let us pray that He may keep us in His peace.For nothing is more to be feared than those unruly passions which trouble our hearts.When these passions disturb us we are like drunken men, and we stagger from right to left unceasingly, and are like to fall miserably.Sometimes these passions plunge us into a turbulent joy, and he who gives way to such, sullies the air with brutish laughter.Such false joy drags the sinner into all sorts of excess.But sometimes also the troubles of the soul and of the senses throw us into an impious sadness which is a thousand times worse than the joy.Brother Paphnutius, I am but a miserable sinner, but I have found, in my long life, that the cenobite has no foe worse than sadness.I mean by that the obstinate melancholy which envelopes the soul as in a mist, and hides from us the light of God.Nothing is more contrary to salvation, and the devil's greatest triumph is to sow black and bitter thoughts in the heart of a good man.If he sent us only pleasurable temptations, he would not be half so much to be feared.Alas! he excels in making us sad.Did he not show to our father Anthony a black child of such surpassing beauty that the very sight of it drew tears? With God's help, our father Anthony avoided the snares of the demon.I knew him when he lived amongst us; he was cheerful with his disciples, and never gave way to melancholy.But did you not come, my brother, to talk to me of a design you had formed in your mind? Let me know what it is--if, at least, this design has for its object the glory of God.""Brother Palemon, what I propose is really to the glory of God.
Strengthen me with your counsel, for you know many things, and sin has never darkened the clearness of your mind.""Brother Paphnutius, I am not worthy to unloose the latchet of thy sandals, and my sins are as countless as the sands of the desert.But I am old, and I will never refuse the help of my experience.""I will confide in you, then, brother Palemon, that I am stricken with grief at the thought that there is, in Alexandria, a courtesan named Thais, who lives in sin, and is a subject of reproach unto the people.""Brother Paphnutius, that is, in truth, an abomination which we do well to deplore.There are many women amongst the Gentiles who lead lives of that kind.Have you thought of any remedy for this great evil?""Brother Palemon, I will go to Alexandria and find this woman, and, with God's help, I will convert her; that is my intention; do you approve of it, brother?""Brother Paphnutius, I am but a miserable sinner, but our father Anthony used to say, 'In whatsoever place thou art, hasten not to leave it to go elsewhere.' ""Brother Palemon, do you disapprove of my project?""Dear Paphnutius, God forbid that I should suspect my brother of bad intentions.But our father Anthony also said, 'Fishes die on dry land, and so is it with those monks who leave their cells and mingle with the men of this world, amongst whom no good thing is to be found.' "Having thus spoken, the old man pressed his foot on the spade, and began to dig energetically round a fig tree laden with fruit.As he was thus engaged, there was a rustling in the bushes, and an antelope leaped over the hedge which surrounded the garden; it stopped, surprised and frightened, its delicate legs trembling, then ran up to the old man, and laid its pretty head on the breast of its friend.
"God be praised in the gazelle of the desert," said Palemon.
He went to his hut, the light-footed little animal trotting after him, and brought out some black bread, which the antelope ate out of his hand.
Paphnutius remained thoughtful for some time, his eyes fixed upon the stones at his feet.Then he slowly walked back to his cell, pondering on what he had heard.A great struggle was going on in his mind.