第33章

Tess Durbeyfield had been one of the last to suspend her labours.She sat down at the end of the shock, her face turned somewhat away from her companions.When she had deposited herself a man in a rabbit-skin cap and with a red handkerchief tucked into his belt, held the cup of ale over the top of the shock for her to drink.But she did not accept his offer.

As soon as her lunch was spread she called up the big girl her sister, and took the baby of her, who, glad to be relieved of the burden, went away to the next shock and joined the other children playing there.Tess, with a curiously stealthy yet courageous movement, and with a still rising colour, unfastened her frock and began suckling the child.

The men who sat nearest considerately turned their faces towards the other end of the field, some of them beginning to smoke; one, with absent-minded fondness, regretfully stroking the jar that would no longer yield a stream.

All the women but Tess fell into animated talk, and adjusted the disarranged knots of their hair.

When the infant had taken its fill the young mother sat it upright in her lap, and looking into the far distance dandled it with a gloomy indifference that was almost dislike; then all of a sudden she fell to violently kissing it some dozens of times, as if she could never leave off, the child crying at the vehemence of an onset which strangely combined passionateness with contempt.

`She's fond of that there child, though she mid pretend to hate en, and say she wishes the baby and her too were in the church-yard,' observed the woman in the red petticoat.

`She'll soon leave off saying that,' replied the one in buff.`Lord, 'tis wonderful what a body can get used to o' that sort in time!'

`A little more than persuading had to do wi' the coming o't, I reckon.

There were they that heard a sobbing one night last year in The Chase;and it mid ha' gone hard wi' a certain party if folks had come along.'

`Well, a little more or a little less, 'twas a thousand pities that it should have happened to she, of all others.But 'tis always the comeliest!

The plain ones be as safe as churches - hey, Jenny?' The speaker turned to one of the group who certainly was not ill-defined as plain.

It was a thousand pities, indeed; it was impossible for even an enemy to feel otherwise on looking at Tess as she sat there, with her flower-like mouth and large tender eyes, neither black nor blue nor gray nor violet;rather all those shades together, and a hundred others, which could be seen if one looked into their irises - shade behind shade - tint beyond tint - around pupils that had no bottom; an almost standard woman, but for the slight incautiousness of character inherited from her race.

A resolution which had surprised herself had brought her into the fields this week for the first time during many months.After wearing and wasting her palpitating heart with every engine of regret that lonely inexperience could devise, common-sense had illumined her.She felt that she would do well to be useful again - to taste anew sweet independence at any price.

The past was past; whatever it had been it was no more at hand.Whatever its consequences, time would close over them; they would all in a few years be as if they had never been, and she herself grassed down and forgotten.

Meanwhile the trees were just as green as before; the birds sang and the sun shone as clearly now as ever.The familiar surroundings had not darkened because of her grief, nor sickened because of her pain.

She might have seen that what had bowed her head so profoundly - the thought of the world's concern at her situation was founded on an illusion.

She was not an existence, an experience, a passion, a structure of sensations, to anybody but herself.To all humankind besides Tess was only a passing thought.Even to friends she was no more than a frequently passing thought.

If she made herself miserable the livelong night and day it was only this much to them--'Ah, she makes herself unhappy.' If she tried to be cheerful, to dismiss all care, to take pleasure in the daylight, the flowers, the baby, she could only be this idea to them - `Ah, she bears it very well.'

Moreover, alone in a desert island would she have been wretched at what had happened to her? Not greatly.If she could have been but just created to discover herself as a spouseless mother, with no experience of life except as the parent of a nameless child, would the position have caused her to despair? No, she would have taken it calmly, and found pleasures therein.Most of the misery had been generated by her conventional aspect, and not by her innate sensations.

Whatever Tess's reasoning, some spirit had induced her to dress herself up neatly as she had formerly done, and come out into the fields, harvest-hands being greatly in demand just then.This was why she had borne herself with dignity, and had looked people calmly in the face at times, even when holding the baby in her arms.

The harvest-men rose from the shock of corn, and stretched their limbs, and extinguished their pipes.The horses, which had been unharnessed and fed, were again attached to the scarlet machine.Tess, having quickly eaten her own meal, beckoned to her eldest sister to come and take away the baby, fastened her dress, put on the buff gloves again, and stooped anew to draw a bond from the last completed sheaf for the tying of the next.