第86章 PROBLEM IX(1)

VIOLET'S OWN

"It has been too much for you?"

"I am afraid so."

It was Roger Upjohn who had asked the question; it was Violet who answered. They had withdrawn from a crowd of dancers to a balcony, half-shaded, half open to the moon,--a balcony made, it would seem, for just such stolen interviews between waltzes.

Now, as it happened, Roger's face was in the shadow, but Violet's in the full light. Very sweet it looked, very ethereal, but also a little wan. He noticed this and impetuously cried:

"You are pale; and your hand! see, how it trembles!"Slowly withdrawing it from the rail where it had rested, she sent one quick glance his way and, in a low voice, said:

"I have not slept since that night."

"Four days!" he murmured. Then, after a moment of silence, "You bore yourself so bravely at the time, I thought, or rather, Ihoped, that success had made you forget the horror. I could not have slept myself, if I had known--""It is part of the price I pay," she broke in gently. "All good things have to be paid for. But I see--I realize that you do not consider what I am doing good. Though it helps other people--has helped you--you wonder why, with all the advantages I possess, Ishould meddle with matters so repugnant to a woman's natural instincts."Yes, he wondered. That was evident from his silence. Seeing her as she stood there, so quaintly pretty, so feminine in look and manner--in short, such a flower--it was but natural that he should marvel at the incongruity she had mentioned.

"It has a strange, odd look," she admitted, after a moment of troubled hesitation. "The most considerate person cannot but regard it as a display of egotism or of a most mercenary spirit.

The cheque you sent me for what I was enabled to do for you in Massachusetts (the only one I have ever received which I have been tempted to refuse) shows to what extent you rated my help and my--my expectations. Had I been a poor girl struggling for subsistence, this generosity would have warmed my heart as a token of your desire to cut that struggle short. But taken with your knowledge of my home and its luxuries, it has often made me wonder what you thought.""Shall I tell you?"

He had stepped forward at this question and his countenance, hitherto concealed, became visible in the moonlight. She no longer recognized it. Transformed by feeling, it shone down upon her, instinct with all that is finest and best in masculine nature. Was she ready for this revelation of what she had nevertheless dreamed of for many more nights than four? She did not know, and instinctively drew herself back till it was she who now stood in the semi-obscurity made by the drooping vines. From this retreat, she faltered forth a very tremulous No, which in another moment was disavowed by a Yes so faint it was little more than a murmur, followed by a still fainter, Tell me.

But he did not seem in any haste to obey, sweetly as her low-toned injunction must have sounded in his ears. On the contrary, he hesitated to speak, growing paler every minute as he sought to catch a glimpse of her downcast face so tantalizingly hidden from him. Did she recognize the nature of the feelings which held him back, or was she simply gathering up sufficient courage to plead her own cause? Whatever her reason, it was she, not he, who presently spoke saying as if no time had elapsed:

"But first, I feel obliged to admit that it was money I wanted, that I had to have. Not for myself. I lack nothing and could have more if I wished. Father has never limited his generosity in any matter affecting myself, but--" She drew a deep breath and, coming out of the shadow, lifted a face to him so changed from its usual expression as to make him start. "I have a cause at heart--one which should appeal to my father and does not; and for that purpose I have sacrificed myself, in many ways, though--though I have not disliked my work up to this last attempt. Not really. I want to be honest and so must admit that much. I have even gloried (quietly and all by myself, of course) over the solution of a mystery which no one else seemed able to penetrate.

I am made that way. I have known it ever since--but that is a story all by itself. Some day I may tell it to you, but not now.""No, not now." The emphasis sent the colour into her cheek but did not relieve his pallor. "Miss Strange, I have always felt, even in my worst days, that the man who for selfish ends brought a woman under the shadow of his own unhappy reputation was a man to be despised. And I think so still, and yet--and yet--nothing in the world but your own word or look can hold me back now from telling you that I love you--love you notwithstanding my unworthy past, my scarring memories, my all but blasted hopes. I do not expect any response; you are young; you are beautiful; you are gifted with every grace; but to speak,--to say over and over again, 'I love you, I love you!' eases my heart and makes my future more endurable. Oh, do not look at me like that unless--unless--"

But the bright head did not fall, nor the tender gaze falter; and driven out of himself, Roger Upjohn was about to step passionately forward, when, seized by fresh compunction, he hoarsely cried:

"It is not right. The balance dips too much my way. You bring me everything. I can give you nothing but what you already possess abundance--love, and money. Besides, your father--"She interrupted him with a glance at once arch and earnest.