第17章 AUGUST(2)
I wonder not that such do pray and grieve--The God they think, to be God is not fit.
Then only in thy glory I seem to sit, When my heart claims from thine an infinite accord.
17.
More life I need ere I myself can be.
Sometimes, when the eternal tide ebbs low, A moment weary of my life I grow--Weary of my existence' self, I mean, Not of its plodding, not its wind and snow Then to thy knee trusting I turn, and lean:
Thou will'st I live, and I do will with thee.
18.
Dost thou mean sometimes that we should forget thee, Dropping the veil of things 'twixt thee and us?--Ah, not that we should lose thee and regret thee!
But that, we turning from our windows thus, The frost-fixed God should vanish from the pane, Sun-melted, and a moment, Father, let thee Look like thyself straight into heart and brain.
19.
For sometimes when I am busy among men, With heart and brain an open thoroughfare For faces, words, and thoughts other than mine, And a pause comes at length--oh, sudden then, Back throbs the tide with rush exultant rare;
And for a gentle moment I divine Thy dawning presence flush my tremulous air.
20.
If I have to forget thee, do thou see It be a good, not bad forgetfulness;
That all its mellow, truthful air be free >From dusty noes, and soft with many a yes;
That as thy breath my life, my life may be Man's breath. So when thou com'st at hour unknown, Thou shalt find nothing in me but thine own.
21.
Thou being in me, in my deepest me, Through all the time I do not think of thee, Shall I not grow at last so true within As to forget thee and yet never sin?
Shall I not walk the loud world's busy way, Yet in thy palace-porch sit all the day?
Not conscious think of thee, yet never from thee stray?
22.
Forget!--Oh, must it be?--Would it were rather That every sense was so filled with my father That not in anything could I forget him, But deepest, highest must in all things set him!--Yet if thou think in me, God, what great matter Though my poor thought to former break and latter--As now my best thoughts; break, before thee foiled, and scatter!
23.
Some way there must be of my not forgetting, And thither thou art leading me, my God.
The child that, weary of his mother's petting, Runs out the moment that his feet are shod, May see her face in every flower he sees, And she, although beyond the window sitting, Be nearer him than when he sat upon her knees.
24.
What if, when I at last, at the long last, Shall see thy face, my Lord, my life's delight, It should not be the face that hath been glassed In poor imagination's mirror slight!
Will my soul sink, and shall I stand aghast, Beggared of hope, my heart a conscious blight, Amazed and lost--death's bitterness come and not passed?
25.
Ah, no! for from thy heart the love will press, And shining from thy perfect human face, Will sink into me like the father's kiss;
And deepening wide the gulf of consciousness Beyond imagination's lowest abyss, Will, with the potency of creative grace, Lord it throughout the larger thinking place.
26.
Thus God-possessed, new born, ah, not for long Should I the sight behold, beatified, Know it creating in me, feel the throng Of speechless hopes out-throbbing like a tide, And my heart rushing, borne aloft the flood, To offer at his feet its living blood--Ere, glory-hid, the other face I spied.
27.
For out imagination is, in small, And with the making-difference that must be, Mirror of God's creating mirror; all That shows itself therein, that formeth he, And there is Christ, no bodiless vanity, Though, face to face, the mighty perfectness With glory blurs the dim-reflected less.
28.
I clasp thy feet, O father of the living!
Thou wilt not let my fluttering hopes be more, Or lovelier, or greater, than thy giving!
Surely thy ships will bring to my poor shore, Of gold and peacocks such a shining store As will laugh all the dreams to holy scorn, Of love and sorrow that were ever born.
29.
Sometimes it seems pure natural to trust, And trust right largely, grandly, infinitely, Daring the splendour of the giver's part;
At other times, the whole earth is but dust, The sky is dust, yea, dust the human heart;
Then art thou nowhere, there is no room for thee In the great dust-heap of eternity.
30.
But why should it be possible to mistrust--Nor possible only, but its opposite hard?
Why should not man believe because he must--By sight's compulsion? Why should he be scarred With conflict? worn with doubting fine and long?--No man is fit for heaven's musician throng Who has not tuned an instrument all shook and jarred.
31.
Therefore, O Lord, when all things common seem, When all is dust, and self the centre clod, When grandeur is a hopeless, foolish dream, And anxious care more reasonable than God,--Out of the ashes I will call to thee--In spite of dead distrust call earnestly:--Oh thou who livest, call, then answer dying me.