第23章 CHAPTER XIV(3)

True Love.--"To make yourself more desirable and precious, I suppose."

Bailiff's Daughter (with the most confident coquetry).--"Did I succeed?"

True Love.--"No; you failed utterly."

Bailiff's Daughter (secretly piqued).--"Then I am glad I tried it."

True Love.--"You couldn't succeed because you were superlatively desirable and precious already; but you should never have experimented. Don't you know that Love is a high explosive?"

Bailiff's Daughter.--"Is it? Then it ought always to be labelled "dangerous," oughtn't it? But who thought of suggesting matches?

I'm sure I didn't!"

True Love.--"No such luck; I wish you would."

Bailiff's Daughter.--"According to your theory, if you apply a match to Love it is likely to 'go off.'"

True Love.--"I wish you would try it on mine and await the result.

Come now, you'll have to marry somebody, sometime."

Bailiff's Daughter.--"I confess I don't see the necessity."

True Love (morosely).--"You're the sort of woman men won't leave in undisturbed spinsterhood; they'll keep on badgering you."

Bailiff's Daughter.--"Oh, I don't mind the badgering of a number of men; it's rather nice. It's the one badger I find obnoxious."

True Love (impatiently).--"That's just the perversity of things. I could put a stop to the protestations of the many; I should like nothing better--but the pertinacity of the one! Ah, well! I can't drop that without putting an end to my existence."

Bailiff's Daughter (politely).--"I shouldn't think of suggesting anything so extreme."

True Love (quoting).--"'Mrs. Hauksbee proceeded to take the conceit out of Pluffles as you remove the ribs of an umbrella before re- covering.' However, you couldn't ask me anything seriously that I wouldn't do, dear Mistress Perversity."

Bailiff's Daughter (yielding a point).--"I'll put that boldly to the proof. Say you don't love me!"

True Love (seizing his advantage).--"I don't! It's imbecile and besotted devotion! Tell me, when may I come to take you away?"

Bailiff's Daughter (sighing).--"It's like asking me to leave Heaven."

True Love.--"I know it; she told me where to find you,--Thornycroft is the seventh poultry-farm I've visited,--but you could never leave Heaven, you can't be happy without poultry, why that is a wish easily gratified. I'll get you a farm to-morrow; no, it's Saturday, and the real estate offices close at noon, but on Monday, without fail. Your ducks and geese, always carrying it along with you. All you would have to do is to admit me; Heaven is full of twos. If you shall swim on a crystal lake--Phoebe told me what a genius you have for getting them out of the muddy pond; she was sitting beside it when I called, her hand in that of a straw- coloured person named Gladwish, and the ground in her vicinity completely strewn with votive offerings. You shall splash your silver sea with an ivory wand; your hens shall have suburban cottages, each with its garden; their perches shall be of satin- wood and their water dishes of mother-of-pearl. You shall be the Goose Girl and I will be the Swan Herd--simply to be near you--for I hate live poultry. Dost like the picture? It's a little like Claude Melnotte's, I confess. The fact is I am not quite sane; talking with you after a fortnight of the tabbies at the Hydro is like quaffing inebriating vodka after Miffin's Food! May I come to-morrow?"

Bailiffs Daughter (hedging).--"I shall be rather busy; the Crossed Minorca hen comes off to-morrow."

True Love.--"Oh, never mind! I'll take her off to-night when I escort you to the farm; then she'll get a day's advantage."

Bailiff's Daughter.--"And rob fourteen prospective chicks of a mother; nay, lose the chicks themselves? Never!"

True Love.--"So long as you are a Goose Girl, does it make any difference whose you are? Is it any more agreeable to be Mrs.

Heaven's Goose Girl than mine?"

Bailiff's Daughter.--"Ah! but in one case the term of service is limited; in the other, permanent."

True Love.--"But in the one case you are the slave of the employer, in the other the employer of the slave. Why did you run away?"

Bailiff's Daughter.--"A man's mind is too dull an instrument to measure a woman's reason; even my own fails sometimes to deal with all its delicate shades; but I think I must have run away chiefly to taste the pleasure of being pursued and brought back. If it is necessary to your happiness that you should explore all the Bluebeard chambers of my being, I will confess further that it has taken you nearly three weeks to accomplish what I supposed you would do in three days!"

True Love (after a well-spent interval).--"To-morrow, then; shall we say before breakfast? All, do! Why not? Well, then, immediately after breakfast, and I breakfast at seven nowadays, and sometimes earlier. Do take off those ugly cotton gloves, dear; they are five sizes too large for you, and so rough and baggy to the touch!"