The Longest Journey
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第49章 XIV(1)

On the way back--at that very level-crossing where he had paused on his upward route--Rickie stopped suddenly and told the girl why he had fainted. Hitherto she had asked him in vain. His tone had gone from him, and he told her harshly and brutally, so that she started away with a horrified cry. Then his manner altered, and he exclaimed: "Will you mind? Are you going to mind?""Of course I mind," she whispered. She turned from him, and saw up on the sky-line two figures that seemed to be of enormous size.

"They're watching us. They stand on the edge watching us. This country's so open--you--you can't they watch us wherever we go.

Of course you mind."

They heard the rumble of the train, and she pulled herself together. "Come, dearest, we shall be run over next. We're saying things that have no sense." But on the way back he repeated:

"They can still see us. They can see every inch of this road.

They watch us for ever." And when they arrived at the steps there, sure enough, were still the two figures gazing from the outer circle of the Rings.

She made him go to his room at once: he was almost hysterical.

Leighton brought out some tea for her, and she sat drinking it on the little terrace. Of course she minded.

Again she was menaced by the abnormal. All had seemed so fair and so simple, so in accordance with her ideas; and then, like a corpse, this horror rose up to the surface. She saw the two figures descend and pause while one of them harnessed the pony;she saw them drive downward, and knew that before long she must face them and the world. She glanced at her engagement ring.

When the carriage drove up Mrs. Failing dismounted, but did not speak. It was Stephen who inquired after Rickie. She, scarcely knowing the sound of her own voice, replied that he was a little tired.

"Go and put up the pony," said Mrs. Failing rather sharply.

"Agnes, give me some tea."

"It is rather strong," said Agnes as the carriage drove off and left them alone. Then she noticed that Mrs. Failing herself was agitated. Her lips were trembling, and she saw the boy depart with manifest relief.

"Do you know," she said hurriedly, as if talking against time--"Do you know what upset Rickie?"

"I do indeed know."

"Has he told any one else?"

"I believe not."

"Agnes--have I been a fool?"

"You have been very unkind," said the girl, and her eyes filled with tears.

For a moment Mrs. Failing was annoyed. "Unkind? I do not see that at all. I believe in looking facts in the face. Rickie must know his ghosts some time. Why not this afternoon?"She rose with quiet dignity, but her tears came faster. "That is not so. You told him to hurt him. I cannot think what you did it for. I suppose because he was rude to you after church. It is a mean, cowardly revenge.

"What--what if it's a lie?"

"Then, Mrs. Failing, it is sickening of you. There is no other word. Sickening. I am sorry--a nobody like myself--to speak like this. How COULD you, oh, how could you demean yourself? Why, not even a poor person--Her indignation was fine and genuine. But her tears fell no longer. Nothing menaced her if they were not really brothers.

"It is not a lie, my clear; sit down. I will swear so much solemnly. It is not a lie, but--"Agnes waited.

"--we can call it a lie if we choose."

"I am not so childish. You have said it, and we must all suffer.

You have had your fun: I conclude you did it for fun. You cannot go back. He--" She pointed towards the stables, and could not finish her sentence.

"I have not been a fool twice."

Agnes did not understand.

"My dense lady, can't you follow? I have not told Stephen one single word, neither before nor now."There was a long silence.

Indeed, Mrs. Failing was in an awkward position.

Rickie had irritated her, and, in her desire to shock him, she had imperilled her own peace. She had felt so unconventional upon the hillside, when she loosed the horror against him; but now it was darting at her as well. Suppose the scandal came out.

Stephen, who was absolutely without delicacy, would tell it to the people as soon as tell them the time. His paganism would be too assertive; it might even be in bad taste. After all, she had a prominent position in the neighbourhood; she was talked about, respected, looked up to. After all, she was growing old. And therefore, though she had no true regard for Rickie, nor for Agnes, nor for Stephen, nor for Stephen's parents, in whose tragedy she had assisted, yet she did feel that if the scandal revived it would disturb the harmony of Cadover, and therefore tried to retrace her steps. It is easy to say shocking things: it is so different to be connected with anything shocking. Life and death were not involved, but comfort and discomfort were.

The silence was broken by the sound of feet on the gravel. Agnes said hastily, "Is that really true--that he knows nothing?""You, Rickie, and I are the only people alive that know. He realizes what he is--with a precision that is sometimes alarming.

Who he is, he doesn't know and doesn't care. I suppose he would know when I'm dead. There are papers.""Aunt Emily, before he comes, may I say to you I'm sorry I was so rude?"Mrs. Failing had not disliked her courage. "My dear, you may.

We're all off our hinges this Sunday. Sit down by me again."Agnes obeyed, and they awaited the arrival of Stephen. They were clever enough to understand each other. The thing must be hushed up. The matron must repair the consequences of her petulance. The girl must hide the stain in her future husband's family. Why not?

Who was injured? What does a grown-up man want with a grown brother? Rickie upstairs, how grateful he would be to them for saving him.

"Stephen!"

"Yes."

"I'm tired of you. Go and bathe in the sea."

"All right."

And the whole thing was settled. She liked no fuss, and so did he. He sat down on the step to tighten his bootlaces. Then he would be ready. Mrs. Failing laid two or three sovereigns on the step above him. Agnes tried to make conversation, and said, with averted eyes, that the sea was a long way off.