第15章 Chapter (1)

Times growing squally -- the author sets out a vagrant hunting --gets into hot water -- narrowly escapes with his life --catches a host of vagabonds, but learns from experience, that, though a rascal may do to stop a bullet, 'tis only the man of honor that can make a good soldier.

"The devil," said George Whitefield, "is fond of fishing in muddy waters" --hence it is, I suppose, that that grand demagogue has always been so fond of war -- that sunshine and basking time of rogues, which calls them out, thick as May-day sun calls out the rattle-snakes from their stony crannies.

In times of peace, the waters are clear, so that if the smallest Jack (villain) but makes his appearance, eagle-eyed justice, with her iron talons, is down upon him in a moment. But let war but stir up the mud of confusion, and straightway the eyes of justice are blinded -- thieves turn out in shoals: and devils, like hungry fishing-hawks, are seen by the eye of faith, hovering over the wretched fry, screaming for their prey.

This was exactly the case in South Carolina. The war had hardly raged there above a twelvemonth and a day, before the state of society seemed turned upside down. The sacred plough was every where seen rusting in the weedy furrows -- Grog shops and Nanny houses were springing up as thick as hops -- at the house of God you saw nobody --but if there was a devil's house (a dram shop) hard by, you might be sure to see THAT crowded with poor Lazarites, with red noses and black eyes, and the fences all strung along with starved tackies, in grape-vine bridles and sheep-skin saddles.

In short, the whole country was fast overrunning with vagabonds, like ravening locusts, seeking where they might light, and whom they should devour.

"Good heavens!" said Marion to me one day, and with great alarm in his looks, "what's to be done with these wretches, these vagrants? I am actually afraid we shall be ruined by them presently. For you know, sir, that a vagrant is but the chrysalis or fly state of the gambler, the horse-thief, the money-coiner, and indeed of every other worthless creature that disturbs and endangers society.""Why colonel," replied I, "there's a conceit in my head, which, if it could but be brought to bear, would, I think, soon settle the hash with these rascals.""Aye," replied he, "well, pray give it to us, for I should be very fond to hear it.""Why sir," said I, "give me but a lieutenant, sergeant, and corporal, with a dozen privates, all of my own choosing, do you see, and if I don't soon give you a good account of those villains, you may, with all my heart, give me a good suit of tar and feathers."My demand was instantly complied with. Then taking with me such men as I knew I could depend on, among whom was the brave lieutenant Jossilin, I set out from the Long Bluff, towards Sandhills. The reader will please to take notice, that in our hurry we had not forgot to take with us a constable with a proper warrant.

We had gone but a few miles, before we fell in with a squad of as choice game as heart could have wished, three proper tall young vagabonds! profoundly engaged at all fours, in a log tippling shop, with cards as black as their own dirty hands, and a tickler of brandy before them! and so intent were the thieves on fleecing each other, that they took no manner of notice of us, but continued their scoundrel work, eagerly stretched over the table, thwacking down their cards with filthy knuckles, and at every stroke bawling out, "there's a good trick!""That's as good as he."

"And there's the best of the three -- huzza, d--n me, at him again my hearties.""Lieutenant Jossilin," said I, "grab them fellows."You never saw poor devils in such a fright. But soon as they had recovered the use of their tongues, they swore like troopers that they were the "most honestest gentlemen in all Carolina.""Aye! well, I am very glad to hear that, gentlemen," said I, "for I love honest men prodigiously, and hope the magistrate will confirm the handsome report you have made of yourselves."So off we set all together for the magistrate. About dinner time I ordered a halt at the house of one Johnson, a militia captain, who appeared quite overwhelmed with joy to see me.

"Heaven bless us!" said he, "and now who could have believed all this?

And have I, at last, to my heart's desire, the great honor of seeing under my humble roof the noble major Horry?"I told him I was much obliged to him, for his politeness --but, for the present, was rather too hungry to relish compliments.

"Like sweetmeats, captain," said I, "a little of them may do pretty well after a good dinner.""Oh, my dear major!" quoth he, "and how sorry I am now that I have nothing fit for dinner for you, my noble son of thunder -- a saddle of fat venison, major;or a brace of young ducks; or, a green goose with currant jelly, and a bottle of old Madeira to wash it down, do you see, major! something NICE for you, do you see, major!"