第13章 SHOULD MARRIED MEN PLAY GOLF?(2)

Petersburg to Bordeaux.The German,with the thoroughness characteristic of him,is working hard.University professors,stout majors,rising early in the morning,hire boys and practise back-handers and half-volleys.But to the Frenchman,as yet,it is a game.He plays it in a happy,merry fashion,that is shocking to English eyes.

Your partner's service rather astonishes you.An occasional yard or so beyond the line happens to anyone,but this man's object appears to be to break windows.You feel you really must remonstrate,when the joyous laughter and tumultuous applause of the spectators explain the puzzle to you.He has not been trying to serve;he has been trying to hit a man in the next court who is stooping down to tie up his shoe-lace.With his last ball he has succeeded.He has hit the man in the small of the back,and has bowled him over.The unanimous opinion of the surrounding critics is that the ball could not possibly have been better placed.A Doherty has never won greater applause from the crowd.Even the man who has been hit appears pleased;it shows what a Frenchman can do when he does take up a game.

But French honour demands revenge.He forgets his shoe,he forgets his game.He gathers together all the balls that he can find;his balls,your balls,anybody's balls that happen to be handy.And then commences the return match.At this point it is best to crouch down under shelter of the net.Most of the players round about adopt this plan;the more timid make for the club-house,and,finding themselves there,order coffee and light up cigarettes.After a while both players appear to be satisfied.The other players then gather round to claim their balls.This makes a good game by itself.The object is to get as many balls as you can,your own and other people's--for preference other people's--and run off with them round the courts,followed by whooping claimants.

In the course of half-an-hour or so,when everybody is dead beat,the game--the original game--is resumed.You demand the score;your partner promptly says it is "forty-fifteen."Both your opponents rush up to the net,and apparently there is going to be a duel.It is only a friendly altercation;they very much doubt its being "forty-fifteen.""Fifteen-forty"they could believe;they suggest it as a compromise.The discussion is concluded by calling it deuce.

As it is rare for a game to proceed without some such incident occurring in the middle of it,the score generally is deuce.This avoids heart-burning;nobody wins a set and nobody loses.The one game generally suffices for the afternoon.

To the earnest player,it is also confusing to miss your partner occasionally--to turn round and find that he is talking to a man.

Nobody but yourself takes the slightest objection to his absence.

The other side appear to regard it as a good opportunity to score.

Five minutes later he resumes the game.His friend comes with him,also the dog of his friend.The dog is welcomed with enthusiasm;all balls are returned to the dog.Until the dog is tired you do not get a look in.But all this will no doubt soon be changed.There are some excellent French and Belgian players;from them their compatriots will gradually learn higher ideals.The Frenchman is young in the game.As the right conception of the game grows upon him,he will also learn to keep the balls lower.