第65章

Nevertheless there did come to her suddenly then a new tenderness for her aunt; the actual sight of her pain in the Chapel had deeply touched her and now her eagerness for escape was mingled with a longing to be affectionate and good.

But Aunt Anne did not seem to have heard.

"Are you sure you're not cold, dear?"

"No, aunt."

Their hands touched.

"But you are.Put that rug over you.That one at the end of the bed.

I'm quiet now.I think perhaps I shall sleep a little.""Is there anything I can do?"

"Perhaps turn the lamp down, dear.That's it.A little more.Now, if you'd just raise my pillow.There, behind my head.That's the way!

Why, what a good nurse you are!"

Maggie, as tenderly as she could, turned the pillow, patted it, placed it beneath her aunt's head.She was close against her aunt's face, and the eyes seemed suddenly so fierce and urgent, so insistent and powerful, that seeing them was like the discovery of some blazing fire in an empty house.Most of all, they were terrified eyes.Maggie went back to her chair.After that, she sat there during the slow evolution of Eternity; Eternity unrolled itself before her, on and on and on, grey limitless mist and space, comfortless, lifeless, hopeless.She had been for many weeks leading a thoroughly unwholesome life in that old house with those old women.She did not herself know how unhealthy it had been, but she knew that she missed the wide fields and downs of Glebeshire, the winds that blew from the sea round Borhedden, the air that swirled and raced up and down the little stony strata of St.Dreot.Now she had been kept indoors, had had no fun of any kind, had looked forward to Mr.Magnus as her chief diversion.Then Martin had come, and suddenly she had seen how dangerously her life was hemming her in.She was losing courage.She would soon be afraid to speak for herself at all; she would soon...

In a panic at these thoughts, and feeling as though some one was trying to push her down into a coffin whilst she was still alive, she began hurriedly to speak, although she did not know whether her aunt were asleep or no.

"I think I ought to tell you, Aunt Anne, that I wrote a letter some days ago and posted it myself.It was to a lady who knew Father once in Glebeshire, and she said that if ever I wanted help I was to write to her, and so--although perhaps I oughtn't to have done it without asking you first, still I was afraid you mightn't want me to--so I sent it.I wouldn't like to hurt your feelings, Aunt Anne, and it isn't that I'm not happy with you and Aunt Elizabeth, but Iought to be earning my own living, oughtn't I? And I've only got my three hundred pounds, haven't I? I'm not complaining, but I don't know about anything yet, do I? I can't even find my way when I'm out with Aunt Elizabeth.And I'm afraid I'll never be really good enough to be religious.Perhaps if Father'd wanted me to be I might be now, but he never cared...I hope you won't be angry, Aunt Anne, but Ididn't like to-night--I didn't really.When I was there I thought that soon I'd begin to cry like the others, but it was only because every one else was crying--not because I wanted to.I hope you won't be angry, but I'm afraid I'll never be religious as you and Aunt Elizabeth want me to be; so don't you think it will be better for me to start learning something else right away?"Maggie poured all this out and then felt immense relief.At last she was honest again; at last she had said what she felt, and they knew it and could never say that she hadn't been fair with them.She felt that her speech had cleared the air in every kind of way.She waited for her aunt's reply.No sound came from the bed.Had her aunt heard? Perhaps she slept.Maggie waited.Then timidly, and softly she said:

"Aunt Anne...Aunt Anne..."

No reply.Then again in a whisper:

"Aunt Anne...Aunt Anne..."

Supposing Aunt Anne...Maggie trembled, then, commanding herself to be calm, she bent towards the bed.

"Aunt Anne, are you asleep?"

Suddenly Aunt Anne's face was there, the eyes closed, the mouth, the cheeks pale yellow in the faint reflection from the lamp.There was no stir, no breath.

"Aunt Anne, Aunt Anne," Maggie whispered in terror now.Then she saw that her aunt was sleeping; very, very faintly the sheets rose and fell and the fingers of the hand on the coverlet trembled a little as though they were struggling to wake.

Then Aunt Anne had heard nothing after all.But it might be that she was pretending, just to see what Maggie would say.

"Aunt Anne," whispered Maggie once more and for the last time.Then she sat back on her seat again, her hands folded, staring straight in front of her.After that she did not know for how long she sat there in a state somewhere between dream and reality.The room, although it never lost its familiarity, grew uncouthly strange;shapes grey and dim seemed to move beneath the windows, humping their backs, spinning out into long limbs, hands and legs and gigantic fingers.The deadest hour of the night was come; the outside world seemed to press upon the house, the whole world cold, thick, damp, lifeless, like an animal slain and falling with its full weight, crushing everything beneath it.Perhaps she slept--she did not know.Martin seemed to be with her, and against them was Aunt Anne, her back against the door, her hands spread, refusing to let them pass.The room joined in the struggle, the floor slipped beneath their tread, the curtain swayed forward and caught them in its folds, the lamp flickered and flickered and flickered...

She was awake suddenly, quite acutely aware of danger.She rubbed her eyes, turned, and in the dim shadow saw her aunt sitting up in bed, her body drawn up to its intensest height, her hands pressing down, flat upon the bed.Her eyes stared as though they would break down all boundaries, but her lips trembled like the lips of a little child.

"Aunt Anne, what is it?" Maggie whispered.

"It's the pain--" Her voice was far away as though some one were speaking from the passage outside the door."It's the pain...Ican't...much more..."