第53章

He, on his side, as he looked down at her, was surprised at his own excitement.His heart was beating, his hand trembling--before this plain, ordinary, unattractive girl! Unattractive physically--but not uninteresting.One of the most interesting human beings whom he had ever met, simply because she was utterly unlike any one else.He felt shame before her, because he knew that she would believe every word that he said.In that she was simple, but "he would be bothered if she was simple in anything else." She had made up her mind--he knew it as well as though she had told him--to trust him absolutely, and he knew well enough how little he was to be trusted.And because of that faith and because of that trust he felt that she was more reliable than he could have believed that changing fickle human being would ever be.How secure he might feel with her!

Then, as he thought that, he realised how troubled he was about his life at home during the last weeks.Amy hated him, his mother hid herself from him, and his father's love frightened him.Already he had found himself telling lies to avoid the chapel services and the meetings with Thurston and the rest.His father's love for him had something terrible in it, and, although he returned it, he could not live up to that fire and heat.

No; he saw that he would not be able to remain for long at home.On the other hand, go back to the old wandering life he would not.He had had enough of that and its rotten carelessness and shabbiness.

What a girl this would be to settle down with somewhere! So strange that she would be always interesting, so faithful that she would be always there! Nor was he entirely selfish.Her childishness, her ignorance, appealed to him for protection.She had no one but those old aunts to care for her, she was poor and rebellious and ignorant.

Warlock was kind-hearted beyond the normal charity of man--much of his weakness came from that very kindness.

As he saw which way he was going he tried to pull himself back.He could not protect her--he had the best of reasons for knowing why.

He could do her nothing but harm...and yet he went on.

He took a chair close to her and sat down.He, who had known in his time many women, could see how happy she was.That happiness excited him.Suddenly he held her hand.She did not remove it.

"Look here," he began, and he was surprised at the hoarseness of his voice, "your uncle will be back in a moment, and we never have a chance of being alone.I've wanted to talk to you ever since I first saw you."He felt her hand move in his.That stir was so helpless that he suddenly determined to be honest.

"I think you'll trust me, won't you?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"Well, you mustn't," he went on hurriedly, his eyes on the door.

"I'm not worse, I suppose, than other men, but all the same I'm not to be trusted.And when I say I'm not to be trusted I mean that Imyself don't know whether I'll keep my word from one minute to another.I'm sure you don't know very much about men.I could see it at once from the way you spoke."She looked up, her clear, unconfused, unquestioning eyes facing him.

"I knew my father well," she said."We were quite alone for years together.And then Uncle Mathew--""Oh, your father, your uncle," he answered quickly."They don't count.What I mean is that you mustn't think men are scoundrels just because they act badly.I swear that nine out of ten of them never mean to do any harm.""And they think they're speaking the truth at the time.But anything 'does' for them and then they're in a mess, and all they think about is how to get out of it.Then it's every man for himself..."Maggie shook her head.

"I've always known that I'd have to manage for myself," she said.

"I've never expected any one to do anything for me, so I'm not likely to be disappointed now."He moved a little closer to her and held her hand more firmly; even as he did so something in his heart reproached him, but now the reproach was very far away, like an echo of some earlier voice.