第44章

"What has she said to you?" she asked quickly, frowning up at him and drawing back as though she were afraid of him.He was startled at the change in her.

"Said?" he repeated, stammering a little."Why only...Nothing...except that she cared for you and hoped that you would be happy.She was afraid that it would all be strange for you at first...Perhaps I have been interfering...""No," Maggie interrupted quickly."Not you.Only I must lead my own life.I must, mustn't I? I don't want to be selfish, but I can begin for myself now.I have a little money of my own--and I MUST make my own way.I don't want to be selfish," she repeated, "but I must be free.I don't understand Aunt Anne.She never seems to care for me.

I want to do everything for her I can, but I don't want to be under any one ever any more."She was so young when she said this that he was suddenly moved to an affectionate fatherly tenderness--but he knew her now too well to show it.

"No, you mustn't be selfish," he answered her almost drily."We can't lead our lives quite alone, you know--every step we take we affect some one somewhere.Your aunt doesn't want your liberty--she wants your affection.""She wants to make me religious," Maggie brought out, staring at Mr.

Magnus.

"Ah, if you see that, you don't understand her," he answered."How should you--yet? She cares so deeply for her religion that she wishes naturally any one whom she loves to share it with her.But if you don't--""If you don't?" cried Maggie, springing up from her seat and facing him.

"I'm sure she would wish to influence no one," he continued gravely.

"You've seen for yourself how apart her life is.She is too conscious of the necessity for her own liberty--""It isn't liberty, it's slavery," Maggie caught him up passionately.

"Do you suppose I haven't watched all these weeks? What does her religion do but shut her off from everything and everybody? Is she kind to Aunt Elizabeth? No, she isn't, and you know it.Would she care if we were all of us buried in the ruins of this house to-morrow? Not for a single moment.And it's her religion.I hate religion.I hate it!...and since I've been in this house I've hated it more and more.You don't know what it was like with father.

I don't think of it now or talk of it, but I know what it made of HIM.And now it's the same here, only it takes them in a different way.But it's the same in the end--no one who's religious cares for any one.And they'd make the same of me.Aunt Anne would--the same as she's made of Aunt Elizabeth.They haven't said much yet, but they're waiting for the right moment, and then they'll spring it upon me.It's in the house, it's in the rooms, it's in the very furniture.It's as though father had come back and was driving me into it.And I want to be free, I want to lead my own life, to make it myself.I don't want to think about God or Heaven or Hell.Idon't care whether I'm good or bad....What's the use of my being here in London and never seeing anything.I'll go into a shop or something and work my fingers to the bone.They SHAN'T catch me.

They SHAN'T...If Uncle Mathew were here..."She broke off suddenly, breathless, staring at Mr.Magnus as though she had not been aware until now that he was in the room.To say that her outburst astonished him was to put it very mildly indeed.

She had always been so quiet and restrained; she had seemed so happy and tranquil.

He blushed, pushed his spectacles with his fingers, then finally stammered:

"I'd no idea--that--that you hated it so much."She was quiet and composed again."I don't hate it," she answered very calmly."Only they shan't tie me--no one shall.And in the house it's as though some one were watching behind every door.It used to be just the same at home.When people think a lot about religion something seems to get into a place.Why, truly, Mr.

Magnus, I've wondered once or twice lately, in spite of myself, whether they mayn't be right after all and God's going to come in a chariot and set the world on fire.""It sounds silly, but when you see the way Aunt Anne and Mr.Warlock believe things it almost makes them true."Maggie finally added: "You mustn't think me selfish.I'm very very grateful for all their kindness.I'm very happy.It's all splendid compared with what life used to be at home--but I fancy sometimes that the aunts think I'm just going to settle down here for ever and be like them--and I'm not--I'm afraid of Aunt Anne.""Afraid of her?" said Mr.Magnus."Ah, you mustn't be that.""She has some plan in her head.I know she has--""No plan is set except for your good," said Mr.Magnus.

"I don't want any one to bother about my good," answered Maggie."Ican look after that for myself."

This little conversation revealed Maggie to Mr.Magnus in an entirely new light.He had thought her, until now, a good simple girl, entirely ignorant of life and eager to be taught.The sudden discovery of her independence distressed him.He left the house that afternoon with many new points to consider.

Meanwhile Maggie had kept from him the true root of the matter.She had said nothing of Martin Warlock.She had said nothing, even to herself, about him, and yet the consciousness of her meeting with him was always with her as a fire smoulders in the hold of a ship, burning stealthily through the thick heart of the place, dim and concealed, to burst suddenly, with a touch of the wind, into shining flame.

It was after her talk to Mr.Magnus that she suddenly saw that Martin Warlock was always in her thoughts, and then, because she was Maggie and had never been deceitful to herself or to any one else, she faced the fact and considered it.She knew that she was ignorant of the world and of life, that she knew nothing about men and, although she had many times fancied to herself what love must be like, she did not tell herself now that it was love that had come to her.