第88章

"On the third day when he came back from school, I saw he looked pale and wretched.'What is it?' I asked.He wouldn't answer.Well, there's no talking in our mansion without mamma and the girls taking part in it.What's more, the girls had heard about it the very first day.Varvara had begun snarling.'You fools and buffoons, can you ever do anything rational?' 'Quite so,' I said,'can we ever do anything rational?' For the time I turned it off like that.So in the evening Itook the boy out for a walk, for you must know we go for a walk every evening, always the same way, along which we are going now- from our gate to that great stone which lies alone in the road under the hurdle, which marks the beginning of the town pasture.A beautiful and lonely spot, sir.Ilusha and I walked along hand in hand as usual.

He has a little hand, his fingers are thin and cold- he suffers with his chest, you know.'Father,' said he, 'father!' 'Well?' said I.Isaw his eyes flashing.'Father, how he treated you then!' 'It can't be helped, Ilusha,' I said.'Don't forgive him, father, don't forgive him! At school they say that he has paid you ten roubles for it.'

'No Ilusha,' said I, 'I would not take money from him for anything.'

he began trembling all over, took my hand in both his and kissed it again.'Father,' he said, 'father, challenge him to a duel, at school they say you are a coward and won't challenge him, and that you'll accept ten roubles from him.' 'I can't challenge him to a duel, Ilusha,' I answered.And I told briefly what I've just told you.He listened.'Father,' he said, anyway don't forgive it.When I grow up I'll call him out myself and kill him.' His eyes shone and glowed.And of course I am his father, and I had to put in a word: 'It's a sin to kill,' I said, 'even in a duel.' 'Father,' he said, 'when I grow up, I'll knock him down, knock the sword out of his hand, I'll fall on him, wave my sword over him and say: "I could kill you, but Iforgive you, so there!"' You see what the workings of his little mind have been during these two days; he must have been planning that vengeance all day, and raving about it at night.

"But he began to come home from school badly beaten, I found out about it the day before yesterday, and you are right, I won't send him to that school any more.I heard that he was standing up against all the class alone and defying them all, that his heart was full of resentment, of bitterness- I was alarmed about him.We went for another walk.'Father,' he asked, 'are the rich people stronger than anyone else on earth?' 'Yes, Ilusha,' I said, 'there are no people on earth stronger than the rich.' 'Father,' he said, 'I will get rich, I will become an officer and conquer everybody.The Tsar will reward me, I will come back here and then no one will dare- ' Then he was silent and his lips still kept trembling.'Father,' he said, 'what a horrid town this is.' 'Yes, Ilusha,' I said, 'it isn't a very nice town.' 'Father, let us move into another town, a nice one,' he said, 'where people don't know about us.' 'We will move, we will, Ilusha,'

said I, 'only I must save up for it.' I was glad to be able to turn his mind from painful thoughts, and we began to dream of how we would move to another town, how we would buy a horse and cart.'We will put mamma and your sisters inside, we will cover them up and we'll walk, you shall have a lift now and then, and I'll walk beside, for we must take care of our horse, we can't all ride.

That's how we'll go.' He was enchanted at that, most of all at the thought of having a horse and driving him.For of course a Russian boy is born among horses.We chattered a long while.Thank God, I thought, I have diverted his mind and comforted him.

"That was the day before yesterday, in the evening, but last night everything was changed.He had gone to school in the morning, he came back depressed, terribly depressed.In the evening I took him by the hand and we went for a walk; he would not talk.There was a wind blowing and no sun, and a feeling of autumn; twilight was coming on.We walked along, both of us depressed.'Well, my boy,' said I, 'how about our setting off on our travels?' I thought I might bring him back to our talk of the day before.He didn't answer, but I felt his fingers trembling in my hand.Ah, I thought, it's a bad job;there's something fresh.We had reached the stone where we are now.

I sat down on the stone.And in the air there were lots of kites flapping and whirling.There were as many as thirty in sight.Of course, it's just the season for the kites.'Look, Ilusha,' said I, 'it's time we got out our last year's kite again.I'll mend it;where have you put it away?' My boy made no answer.He looked away and turned sideways to me.And then a gust of wind blew up the sand.He suddenly fell on me, threw both his little arms round my neck and held me tight.You know, when children are silent and proud, and try to keep back their tears when they are in great trouble and suddenly break down, their tears fall in streams.With those warm streams of tears, he suddenly wetted my face.He sobbed and shook as though he were in convulsions, and squeezed up against me as I sat on the stone.

'Father,' he kept crying, 'dear father, how he insulted you!' And Isobbed too.We sat shaking in each other's arms.'Ilusha,' I said to him, 'Ilusha, darling.' No one saw us then.God alone saw us; I hope He will record it to my credit.You must thank your brother, Alexey Fyodorovitch.No, sir, I won't thrash my boy for your satisfaction."He had gone back to his original tone of resentful buffoonery.

Alyosha felt, though, that he trusted him, and that if there had been someone else in his, Alyosha's place, the man would not have spoken so openly and would not have told what he had just told.This encouraged Alyosha, whose heart was trembling on the verge of tears.

"Ah, how I would like to make friends with your boy!" he cried.

"If you could arrange it- "

"Certainly, sir," muttered the captain.