第45章

To see how Miss Squeers tossed her head, and the corn-factor flattened his nose, while this conversation was carrying on! It would have been worth a small annuity to have beheld that; let alone Miss Price's evident joy at making them jealous, and Nicholas Nickleby's happy unconsciousness of making anybody uncomfortable.

`We have all the talking to ourselves, it seems,' said Nicholas, looking good-humouredly round the table as he took up the cards for a fresh deal.

`You do it so well,' tittered Miss Squeers, `that it would be a pity to interrupt, wouldn't it, Mr Browdie? He! he! he!'

`Nay,' said Nicholas, `we do it in default of having anybody else to talk to.'

`We'll talk to you, you know, if you'll say anything,' said Miss Price.

`Thank you, 'Tilda, dear,' retorted Miss Squeers, majestically.

`Or you can talk to each other, if you don't choose to talk to us,'

said Miss Price, rallying her dear friend. `John, why don't you say something?'

`Say summat?' repeated the Yorkshireman.

`Ay, and not sit there so silent and glum.'

`Weel, then!' said the Yorkshireman, striking the table heavily with his fist, `what I say's this--Dang my boans and boddy, if I stan' this ony longer. Do ye gang whoam wi' me, and do you loight an' toight young whipster look sharp out for a brokken head, next time he cums under my hond.'

`Mercy on us, what's all this?' cried Miss Price, in affected astonishment.

`Cum whoam, tell `e, cum whoam,' replied the Yorkshireman, sternly.

And as he delivered the reply, Miss Squeers burst into a shower of tears;arising in part from desperate vexation, and in part from an impotent desire to lacerate somebody's countenance with her fair finger-nails.

This state of things had been brought about by divers means and workings.

Miss Squeers had brought it about, by aspiring to the high state and condition of being matrimonially engaged, without good grounds for so doing; Miss Price had brought it about, by indulging in three motives of action: first, a desire to punish her friend for laying claim to a rivalship in dignity, having no good title: secondly, the gratification of her own vanity, in receiving the compliments of a smart young man: and thirdly, a wish to convince the corn-factor of the great danger he ran, in deferring the celebration of their expected nuptials; while Nicholas had brought it about, by half an hour's gaiety and thoughtlessness, and a very sincere desire to avoid the imputation of inclining at all to Miss Squeers. So the means employed, and the end produced, were alike the most natural in the world; for young ladies will look forward to being married, and will jostle each other in the race to the altar, and will avail themselves of all opportunities of displaying their own attractions to the best advantage, down to the very end of time, as they have done from its beginning.

`Why, and here's Fanny in tears now!' exclaimed Miss Price, as if in fresh amazement. `What can be the matter?'

`Oh! you don't know, miss, of course you don't know. Pray don't trouble yourself to inquire,' said Miss Squeers, producing that change of countenance which children call making a face.

`Well, I'm sure!' exclaimed Miss Price.

`And who cares whether you are sure or not, ma'am?' retorted Miss Squeers, making another face.

`You are monstrous polite, ma'am,' said Miss Price.

`I shall not come to you to take lessons in the art, ma'am!' retorted Miss Squeers.

`You needn't take the trouble to make yourself plainer than you are, ma'am, however,' rejoined Miss Price, `because that's quite unnecessary.'

Miss Squeers, in reply, turned very red, and thanked God that she hadn't got the bold faces of some people. Miss Price, in rejoinder, congratulated herself upon not being possessed of the envious feeling of other people;whereupon Miss Squeers made some general remark touching the danger of associating with low persons; in which Miss Price entirely coincided: observing that it was very true indeed, and she had thought so a long time.

`'Tilda,' exclaimed Miss Squeers with dignity, `I hate you.'

`Ah! There's no love lost between us, I assure you,' said Miss Price, tying her bonnet strings with a jerk. `You'll cry your eyes out, when I'm gone; you know you will.'

`I scorn your words, Minx,' said Miss Squeers.

`You pay me a great compliment when you say so,' answered the miller's daughter, curtseying very low. `Wish you a very good-night, ma'am, and pleasant dreams attend your sleep!'

With this parting benediction, Miss Price swept from the room, followed by the huge Yorkshireman, who exchanged with Nicholas, at parting, that peculiarly expressive scowl with which the cut-and-thrust counts, in melodramatic performances, inform each other they will meet again.

They were no sooner gone, than Miss Squeers fulfilled the prediction of her quondam friend by giving vent to a most copious burst of tears, and uttering various dismal lamentations and incoherent words. Nicholas stood looking on for a few seconds, rather doubtful what to do, but feeling uncertain whether the fit would end in his being embraced, or scratched, and considering that either infliction would be equally agreeable, he walked off very quietly while Miss Squeers was moaning in her pocket-handkerchief.

`This is one consequence,' thought Nicholas, when he had groped his way to the dark sleeping-room, `of my cursed readiness to adapt myself to any society in which chance carries me. If I had sat mute and motionless, as I might have done, this would not have happened.'

He listened for a few minutes, but all was quiet.

`I was glad,' he murmured, `to grasp at any relief from the sight of this dreadful place, or the presence of its vile master. I have set these people by the ears, and made two new enemies, where, Heaven knows, I needed none. Well, it is a just punishment for having forgotten, even for an hour, what is around me now!'

So saying, he felt his way among the throng of weary-hearted sleepers, and crept into his poor bed.