第9章

Somebody has sent me a new sort of hoe, with the wish that I should speak favorably of it, if I can consistently.I willingly do so, but with the understanding that I am to be at liberty to speak just as courteously of any other hoe which I may receive.If I understand religious morals, this is the position of the religious press with regard to bitters and wringing-machines.In some cases, the responsibility of such a recommendation is shifted upon the wife of the editor or clergy-man.Polly says she is entirely willing to make a certificate, accompanied with an affidavit, with regard to this hoe; but her habit of sitting about the garden walk, on an inverted flower-pot, while I hoe, some what destroys the practical value of her testimony.

As to this hoe, I do not mind saying that it has changed my view of the desirableness and value of human life.It has, in fact, made life a holiday to me.It is made on the principle that man is an upright, sensible, reasonable being, and not a groveling wretch.It does away with the necessity of the hinge in the back.The handle is seven and a half feet long.There are two narrow blades, sharp on both edges, which come together at an obtuse angle in front; and as you walk along with this hoe before you, pushing and pulling with a gentle motion, the weeds fall at every thrust and withdrawal, and the slaughter is immediate and widespread.When I got this hoe I was troubled with sleepless mornings, pains in the back, kleptomania with regard to new weeders; when I went into my garden I was always sure to see something.In this disordered state of mind and body I got this hoe.The morning after a day of using it I slept perfectly and late.I regained my respect for the eighth commandment.After two doses of the hoe in the garden, the weeds entirely disappeared.

Trying it a third morning, I was obliged to throw it over the fence in order to save from destruction the green things that ought to grow in the garden.Of course, this is figurative language.What I mean is, that the fascination of using this hoe is such that you are sorely tempted to employ it upon your vegetables, after the weeds are laid low, and must hastily withdraw it, to avoid unpleasant results.

I make this explanation, because I intend to put nothing into these agricultural papers that will not bear the strictest scientific investigation; nothing that the youngest child cannot understand and cry for; nothing that the oldest and wisest men will not need to study with care.

I need not add that the care of a garden with this hoe becomes the merest pastime.I would not be without one for a single night.The only danger is, that you may rather make an idol of the hoe, and somewhat neglect your garden in explaining it, and fooling about with it.I almost think that, with one of these in the hands of an ordinary day-laborer, you might see at night where he had been working.

Let us have peas.I have been a zealous advocate of the birds.Ihave rejoiced in their multiplication.I have endured their concerts at four o'clock in the morning without a murmur.Let them come, Isaid, and eat the worms, in order that we, later, may enjoy the foliage and the fruits of the earth.We have a cat, a magnificent animal, of the sex which votes (but not a pole-cat),--so large and powerful that, if he were in the army, he would be called Long Tom.