第4章
You would say the wrong thing;to a certainty you would.In your anxiety for Helen's happiness you would offend the whole of these Wilcoxes by asking one of your impetuous questions--not that one minds offending them.""I shall ask no questions.I have it in Helen's writing that she and a man are in love.There is no question to ask as long as she keeps to that.All the rest isn't worth a straw.
A long engagement if you like,but inquiries,questions,plans,lines of action--no,Aunt Juley,no."Away she hurried,not beautiful,not supremely brilliant,but filled with something that took the place of both qualities--something best described as a profound vivacity,a continual and sincere response to all that she encountered in her path through life.
"If Helen had written the same to me about a shop-assistant or a penniless clerk--""Dear Margaret,do come into the library and shut the door.Your good maids are dusting the banisters.""--or if she had wanted to marry the man who calls for Carter Paterson,I should have said the same."Then,with one of those turns that convinced her aunt that she was not mad really and convinced observers of another type that she was not a barren theorist,she added:
"Though in the case of Carter Paterson I should want it to be a very long engagement indeed,I must say.""I should think so,"said Mrs.Munt;"and,indeed,I can scarcely follow you.Now,just imagine if you said anything of that sort to the Wilcoxes.I understand it,but most good people would think you mad.Imagine how disconcerting for Helen!What is wanted is a person who will go slowly,slowly in this business,and see how things are and where they are likely to lead to."Margaret was down on this.
"But you implied just now that the engagement must be broken off.""I think probably it must;but slowly."
"Can you break an engagement off slowly?"
Her eyes lit up."What's an engagement made of,do you suppose?
I think it's made of some hard stuff,that may snap,but can't break.
It is different to the other ties of life.They stretch or bend.
They admit of degree.They're different."
"Exactly so.But won't you let me just run down to Howards House,and save you all the discomfort?I will really not interfere,but I do so thoroughly understand the kind of thing you Schlegels want that one quiet look round will be enough for me."Margaret again thanked her,again kissed her,and then ran upstairs to see her brother.
He was not so well.
The hay fever had worried him a good deal all night.
His head ached,his eyes were wet,his mucous membrane,he informed her,was in a most unsatisfactory condition.The only thing that made life worth living was the thought of Walter Savage Landor,from whose Imaginary Conversations she had promised to read at frequent intervals during the day.
It was rather difficult.Something must be done about Helen.She must be assured that it is not a criminal offence to love at first sight.A telegram to this effect would be cold and cryptic,a personal visit seemed each moment more impossible.Now the doctor arrived,and said that Tibby was quite bad.Might it really be best to accept Aunt Juley's kind offer,and to send her down to Howards End with a note?
Certainly Margaret was impulsive.She did swing rapidly from one decision to another.Running downstairs into the library,she cried--"Yes,I have changed my mind;I do wish that you would go."There was a train from King's Cross at eleven.
At half-past ten Tibby,with rare self-effacement,fell asleep,and Margaret was able to drive her aunt to the station.
"You will remember,Aunt Juley,not to be drawn into discussing the engagement.Give my letter to Helen,and say whatever you feel yourself,but do keep clear of the relatives.We have scarcely got their names straight yet,and besides,that sort of thing is so uncivilized and wrong.
"So uncivilized?"queried Mrs.Munt,fearing that she was losing the point of some brilliant remark.
"Oh,I used an affected word.I only meant would you please only talk the thing over with Helen.""Only with Helen."
"Because--"But it was no moment to expound the personal nature of love.Even Margaret shrank from it,and contented herself with stroking her good aunt's hand,and with meditating,half sensibly and half poetically,on the journey that was about to begin from King's Cross.
Like many others who have lived long in a great capital,she had strong feelings about the various railway termini.
They are our gates to the glorious and the unknown.Through them we pass out into adventure and sunshine,to them alas!we return.
In Paddington all Cornwall is latent and the remoter west;down the inclines of Liverpool Street lie fenlands and the illimitable Broads;Scotland is through the pylons of Euston;Wessex behind the poised chaos of Waterloo.
Italians realize this,as is natural;those of them who are so unfortunate as to serve as waiters in Berlin call the Anhalt Bahnhof the Stazione d'Italia,because by it they must return to their homes.And he is a chilly Londoner who does not endow his stations with some personality,and extend to them,however shyly,the emotions of fear and love.
To Margaret--I hope that it will not set the reader against her--the station of King's Cross had always suggested Infinity.
Its very situation--withdrawn a little behind the facile splendours of St.Pancras--implied a comment on the materialism of life.Those two great arches,colourless,indifferent,shouldering between them an unlovely clock,were fit portals for some eternal adventure,whose issue might be prosperous,but would certainly not be expressed in the ordinary language of prosperity.If you think this ridiculous,remember that it is not Margaret who is telling you about it;and let me hasten to add that they were in plenty of time for the train;that Mrs.Munt,though she took a second-class ticket,was put by the guard into a first (only two seconds on the train,one smoking and the other babies--one cannot be expected to travel with babies);and that Margaret,on her return to Wickham Place,was confronted with the following telegram:All over.Wish I had never written.Tell no one.--Helen But Aunt Juley was gone--gone irrevocably,and no power on earth could stop her.