第19章
It makes one feel so wild,when I've pretended to the people here that you're my wife--all right,you shall be my wife--and I've bought you the ring to wear,and I've taken this flat furnished,and it's far more than I can afford,and yet you aren't content,and I've also not told the truth when I've written home."He lowered his voice."He'd stop it."In a tone of horror,that was a little luxurious,he repeated:"My brother'd stop it.I'm going against the whole world,Jacky.
"That's what I am,Jacky.I don't take any heed of what anyone says.I just go straight forward,I do.
That's always been my way.I'm not one of your weak knock-kneed chaps.
If a woman's in trouble,I don't leave her in the lurch.That's not my street.No,thank you.
"I'll tell you another thing too.I care a good deal about improving myself by means of Literature and Art,and so getting a wider outlook.For instance,when you came in I was reading Ruskin's Stones of Venice .I don't say this to boast,but just to show you the kind of man I am.I can tell you,I enjoyed that classical concert this afternoon."To all his moods Jacky remained equally indifferent.
When supper was ready--and not before--she emerged from the bedroom,saying:
"But you do love me,don't you?"
They began with a soup square,which Leonard had just dissolved in some hot water.It was followed by the tongue--a freckled cylinder of meat,with a little jelly at the top,and a great deal of yellow fat at the bottom--ending with another square dissolved in water (jelly:pineapple),which Leonard had prepared earlier in the day.Jacky ate contentedly enough,occasionally looking at her man with those anxious eyes,to which nothing else in her appearance corresponded,and which yet seemed to mirror her soul.And Leonard managed to convince his stomach that it was having a nourishing meal.
After supper they smoked cigarettes and exchanged a few statements.She observed that her "likeness"had been broken.
He found occasion to remark,for the second time,that he had come straight back home after the concert at Queen's Hall.Presently she sat upon his knee.The inhabitants of Camelia Road tramped to and fro outside the window,just on a level with their heads,and the family in the flat on the ground-floor began to sing,"Hark,my soul,it is the Lord.""That tune fairly gives me the hump,"said Leonard.
Jacky followed this,and said that,for her part,she thought it a lovely tune.
"No;I'll play you something lovely.Get up,dear,for a minute."He went to the piano and jingled out a little Grieg.
He played badly and vulgarly,but the performance was not without its effect,for Jacky said she thought she'd be going to bed.As she receded,a new set of interests possessed the boy,and he began to think of what had been said about music by that odd Miss Schlegel--the one that twisted her face about so when she spoke.Then the thoughts grew sad and envious.There was the girl named Helen,who had pinched his umbrella,and the German girl who had smiled at him pleasantly,and Herr someone,and Aunt someone,and the brother--all,all with their hands on the ropes.
They had all passed up that narrow,rich staircase at Wickham Place,to some ample room,whither he could never follow them,not if he read for ten hours a day.Oh,it was not good,this continual aspiration.
Some are born cultured;the rest had better go in for whatever comes easy.
To see life steadily and to see it whole was not for the likes of him.
From the darkness beyond the kitchen a voice called,"Len?""You in bed?"he asked,his forehead twitching.
"M'm."
"All right."
Presently she called him again.
"I must clean my boots ready for the morning,"he answered.
Presently she called him again.
"I rather want to get this chapter done."
"What?"
He closed his ears against her.
"What's that?"
"All right,Jacky,nothing;I'm reading a book.""What?"
"What?"he answered,catching her degraded deafness.
Presently she called him again.
Ruskin had visited Torcello by this time,and was ordering his gondoliers to take him to Murano.It occurred to him,as he glided over the whispering lagoons,that the power of Nature could not be shortened by the folly,nor her beauty altogether saddened by the misery,of such as Leonard.