第118章

The American Overland Mail Route commences at Sacramento--California--and ends at Atchison--Kansas.The distance is two thousand two hundred miles--but you go part of the way by rail.The Pacific Railway is now completed from Sacramento--California--to Fulsom--California--which only leaves two thousand two hundred and eleven miles, to go by coach.This breaks the monotony--it came very near breaking my back.

(Picture of) The Mormon Theatre.

This edifice is the exclusive property of Brigham Young.It will comfortably hold 3,000 persons--and I beg you will believe me when I inform you that its interior is quite as brilliant as that of any theatre in London.(Herein Artemus slightly exaggerated.The coloring of the theatre was white and gold, but it was inefficiently lighted with oil lamps.

When Brigham Young himself showed us round the theatre, he pointed out, as an instance of his own ingenuity, that the central chandelier was formed out of the wheel of one of his old coaches.The house is now, I believe, lighted with gas.

Altogether it is a very wondrous edifice, considering where it is built and who were the builders.)The actors are all Mormon amateurs, who charge nothing for their services.

You must know that very little money is taken at the doors of this theatre.The Mormons mostly pay in grain--and all sorts of articles.

The night I gave my little lecture there--among my receipts were corn--flour--pork--cheese--chickens--on foot and in the shell.

One family went in on a live pig--and a man attempted to pass a "yaller dog" at the Box Office--but my agent repulsed him.One offered me a doll for admission--another infants'

clothing.--I refused to take that.--As a general rule I do refuse.

In the middle of the parquet--in a rocking chair--with his hat on--sits Brigham Young.When the play drags--he either goes out or falls into a tranquil sleep.

A portion of the dress-circle is set apart for the wives of Brigham Young.From ten to twenty of them are usually present.His children fill the entire gallery--and more too.

(Picture of) East Side of Main Street, Salt Lake City.

The East Side of Main Street--Salt Lake City--with a view of the Council Building--The legislature of Utah meets there.

It is like all legislative bodies.They meet this winter to repeal the laws which they met and made last winter--and they will meet next winter to repeal the laws which they met and made this winter.

I dislike to speak about it--but it was in Utah that I made the great speech of my life.I wish you could have heard it.I have a fine education.You may have noticed it.Ispeak six different languages--London--Chatham--and Dover--Margate--Brighton--and Hastings.My parents sold a cow--and sent me to college when I was quite young.During the vacation I used to teach a school of whales--and there's where I learned to spout.--I don't expect applause for a little thing like that.I wish you could have heard that speech--however.If Cicero--he's dead now--he has gone from us--but if old Ciss (Here again no description can adequately inform the reader of the drollery which characterized the lecturer.His reference to Cicero was made in the most lugubrious manner, as if he really deplored his death and valued him as a schoolfellow loved and lost.)could have heard that effort it would have given him the rinderpest.I'll tell you how it was.There are stationed in Utah two regiments of U.S.troops--the 21st from California--and the 37th from Nevada.The 20-onesters asked me to present a stand of colors to the 37-sters--and I did it in a speech so abounding in eloquence of a bold and brilliant character--and also some sweet talk--real pretty shopkeeping talk--that I worked the enthusiasm of those soldiers up to such a pitch--that they came very near shooting me on the spot.

(Picture of) Brigham Young's Harem.--These are the houses of Brigham Young.The first on the right is the Lion House--so called because a crouching stone lion adorns the central front window.The adjoining small building is Brigham Young's office--and where he receives his visitors.--The large house in the centre of the picture--which displays a huge bee-hive--is called the Bee House--the bee-hive is supposed to be symbolical of the industry of the Mormons.--Mrs.Brigham Young the first--now quite an old lady--lives here with her children.None of the other wives of the prophet live here.In the rear are the schoolhouses where Brigham Young's children are educated.

Brigham Young has two hundred wives.Just think of that!

Oblige me by thinking of that.That is--he has eighty actual wives, and he is spiritually married to one hundred and twenty more.These spiritual marriages--as the Mormons call them--are contracted with aged widows--who think it a great honor to be sealed--the Mormons call it being sealed--to the Prophet.

So we may say he has two hundred wives.He loves not wisely--but two hundred well.He is dreadfully married.

He's the most married man I ever saw in my life.

I saw his mother-in-law while I was there.I can't exactly tell you how many there is of her--but it's a good deal.It strikes me that one mother-in-law is about enough to have in a family--unless you're very fond of excitement.

A few days before my arrival in Utah--Brigham was married again--to a young and really pretty girl--but he says he shall stop now.He told me confidentially that he shouldn't get married any more.He says that all he wants now is to live in peace for the remainder of his days--and have his dying pillow soothed by the loving hands of his family.

Well--that's all right--that's all right--I suppose--but if ALL his family soothe his dying pillow--he'll have to go out-doors to die.

By the way--Shakespeare indorses polygamy.--He speaks of the Merry Wives of Windsor.How many wives did Mr.Windsor have?--but we will let this pass.