第17章

`She says that!' cried out Levin. `I always said she was charming, your wife. There, that's enough said about it,' he said, getting up from his seat.

`Well, but do sit down.'

But Levin could not sit down. He walked with his firm tread twice up and down the little cage of a room, blinked his eyelids that his tears might not fall, and only then sat down to the table.

`You must understand,' said he, `it's not love. I've been in love, but it's not that. It's not my feeling, but a sort of force outside me that has taken possession of me. I went away, you see, because I made up my mind that it could never be - you understand, like a happiness which is not of this earth; but I've struggled with myself, and I see there's no living without it. And it must be settled.'

`What did you go away for?'

`Ah, stop a minute! Ah, the thoughts that come crowding on one!

The questions one must ask oneself! Listen. You can't imagine what you've done for me by what you said. I'm so happy that I've become positively hateful; I've forgotten everything. I heard today that my brother Nikolai...

you know, he's here... I had forgotten even him. It seems to me that he's happy too. It's a sort of madness. But one thing's awful.... Here, you've been married, you know the feeling.... It's awful that we - fully mature - with a past... a past not of love, but of sins... are brought all at once so near to a creature pure and innocent; it's loathsome, and that's why one can't help feeling oneself unworthy.'

`Oh, well, you haven't many sins on your conscience.'

`Ah, still,' said Levin, ```When, with loathing, I go o'er my life, I shudder and I curse and bitterly regret...'' Yes.'

`What would you have? That's the way of the world,' said Stepan Arkadyevich.

`There's one comfort, like that of the prayer which I always liked:

``Forgive me not according to my deeds, but according to Thy loving-kindness.''

That's the only way she can forgive me.'

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TOLSTOY: Anna Karenina Part 1, Chapter 11[Previous Chapter] [Table of Contents] Chapter 11 Levin emptied his glass, and they were silent for a while.

`There's one other thing I ought to tell you. Do you know Vronsky?'

Stepan Arkadyevich asked Levin.

`No, I don't. Why do you ask?'

`Give us another bottle,' Stepan Arkadyevich directed the Tatar, who was filling up their glasses and fidgeting round them just when he was least wanted.

`Why, you ought to know Vronsky because he's one of your rivals.'

`Who's Vronsky?' said Levin, and his face was suddenly transformed from the look of childlike ecstasy which Oblonsky had just been admiring to an angry and unpleasant expression.

`Vronsky is one of the sons of Count Kirill Ivanovich Vronsky, and one of the finest specimens of the gilded youth of Peterburg. I made his acquaintance in Tver, when I was there on official business, and he came there for the levy of recruits. Fearfully rich, handsome, great connections, an aide-de-camp, and with all that a very fine good-natured fellow. But he's more than simply a good-natured fellow, as I've found out here - he's a cultured man, too, and very intelligent; he's a man who'll make his mark.'

Levin scowled and kept silent.

`Well, he turned up here soon after you'd gone, and, as I can see, he's over head and ears in love with Kitty, and you know that her mother...'

`Excuse me, but I know nothing,' said Levin, frowning gloomily.

And immediately he recalled his brother Nikolai, and how vile he was to have been able to forget him.

`You wait a bit - wait a bit,' said Stepan Arkadyevich, smiling and touching his hand. `I've told you what I know, and I repeat that in this delicate and tender matter, as far as one can conjecture, I believe the chances are in your favor.'

Levin dropped back in his chair; his face was pale.

`But I would advise you to settle the thing as soon as possible,'

pursued Oblonsky, filling up his glass.

`No, thanks, I can't drink any more,' said Levin, pushing away his glass. `I shall get drunk.... Come, tell me how are you getting on?'

he went on, obviously anxious to change the conversation.

`One word more: in any case I advise you to settle the question soon. Tonight I don't advise you to speak,' said Stepan Arkadyevich. `Go round tomorrow morning, make a proposal in classic form, and God bless you....'

`Oh, do you still think of coming to me for some shooting? Come next spring, do,' said Levin.

Now his whole soul was full of remorse that he had begun this conversation with Stepan Arkadyevich. His peculiar feeling was profaned by talk of the rivalry of some Peterburg officer, of the suppositions and the counsels of Stepan Arkadyevich.

Stepan Arkadyevich smiled. He knew what was passing in Levin's soul.

`I'll come some day,' he said. `Yes, my dear, women - they're the pivot everything turns upon. Things are in a bad way with me, very bad. And it's all through women. Tell me frankly, now,' he pursued, picking up a cigar and keeping one hand on his glass; `give me your advice.'

`Why, what is it?'

`I'll tell you. Suppose you're married; you love your wife, but are fascinated by another woman...'

`Excuse me, but I'm absolutely unable to comprehend how just as I can't comprehend how I could now, after my dinner, go straight to a baker's shop and steal a loaf.'

Stepan Arkadyevich's eyes sparkled more than usual.

`Why not? A loaf will sometimes smell so good that one can't resist it.

`Himmlisch ist's wenn ich bezwungen Meine irdische Begier;Aber doch wenn's nicht gelungen Hatt' ich auch recht hübsch Plaisir!' As he said this, Stepan Arkadyevich smiled subtly. Levin, too, could not help smiling.

`Yes, but joking apart,' resumed Oblonsky, `you must understand that the woman, a sweet, gentle, loving creature, poor and lonely, has sacrificed everything. Now, when the thing's done, don't you see, can one possibly cast her off? Even supposing one parts from her, so as not to break up one's family life, still, can one help feeling for her, setting her on her feet, lightening her lot?'