第7章 Love the Others 让爱永驻心间(7)

There is forgiveness. When I‘m embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties， Scott forgives me. When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market， I gave him a hug and said，“it’s okay. It‘s only money.”

There is sensitivity. Last week he walked through the door with that look that tells me it’s been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids， I asked him what happened. He told me about a 60-year- old woman who‘d had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the woman’s husband standing beside her bed， caressing her hand. How was he going totell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover？ I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married 40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients.

There is faith. Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer‘s disease on her father-in-law’s personality. On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought， this is too much heartache for one week. Through my tears， as I went out to run some errands， I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor‘s house. The bride， dressed in satin and lace， tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends. That night， I told my husband about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going.

Finally， there is knowing. I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night； he’ll be late to most appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head， I‘ll lock us out of the house at a regular basis， and I will also eat the last chocolate.

I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No， the sky is not bluer， it’s just a familiar hue. We don‘t feel particularly young， we’ve experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom， taking its toll on our bodies， and created our memories.

I hope we‘ve got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride， I had Scott’s wedding band engraved with Robert Browning‘s line“Grow old along with me！”We’re following those instructions.

爱情不是一颗心去敲打另一颗心，而是两颗心共同撞击的火花……参考翻译（高昆）我的一个朋友正处于热恋中，她幸福地坦言，恋爱时，天空似乎更蓝了。莫扎特的音乐让她感动得流泪。恋爱使她的体重减轻了15磅，她看起来像个封面女郎。

“我又年轻了！”她兴奋地喊道。在朋友对她的新欢赞不绝口时，我又重新审视了我的旧爱。丈夫斯科特和我结婚快20年了，体重增加了15磅，曾是马拉松选手的他，如今只能从楼上跑到楼下的医院大厅。他的发际线不断后移。从体形可以看出，他经常超负荷地工作，并且甜食吃得太多。但约会时，餐桌对面的他仍会向我使某种眼神，让我领会其意，结账回家。当朋友问我“是什么使你们的爱持续至今”时，我毫不犹豫地列举了一些显性因素：责任感、共同的兴趣爱好、无私、身体吸引力，再有就是沟通。当然，还有其他诸多因素：我们会时常寻找乐趣，创造一些欢乐时光。昨天，斯科特把捆报纸的橡皮筋拉下来，然后调皮地弹向我，“战争”由此一发而不可收拾；上周六在杂货店，我们把购物单一分为二，比赛看谁先抢购完到达收银台，谁就是胜利者；即便是一起洗碗，我们也要打斗一番。只要在一起，我们就开开心心的。

我们常会给对方带来惊喜。一次，我回到家，发现门上贴着一张小纸条，指引我找到了另一张纸条，接着又一张，最后指引我走到小储藏室。我打开门，发现斯科特手里捧着“金罐子”（我的蒸煮锅），还拿着一个装着“财富”的大礼包。有时我也会把给他的纸条贴在镜子上，偷偷地在他的枕头下藏一个小礼物。

我们都理解对方。我理解他为什么一定要和老朋友出去打篮球，而他也理解我为什么每年都要离开他和孩子，去与姐妹们聚会，连续几天，无休止地聊天说笑。

我们同甘共苦。不仅分担家事的忧愁和身为父母的责任，也分享各自的见解。上个月，斯科特参加了一个会议，给我带回一本很厚的历史小说。虽然他比较喜欢惊悚和科幻小说，但他还是在飞机上把它读完了。他说是为了在我读完后，能和我交流见解。听了这番话，我感动不已。

我们彼此宽容。当我在派对上不顾一切，疯狂地喧闹时，斯科特原谅了我。而当他用我们的一点积蓄炒股赔了钱，并向我坦白时，我抱紧他，安慰道：“没关系，钱乃身外之物。”

我们心有灵犀。上周，他回家，一进门我便从他的神情看出，他今天过得很不开心。他逗孩子们玩了一会儿后，我问他怎么了。他告诉我，一个60岁的老太太中风了。想到病人的丈夫站在床边爱抚她的手时，他哭了。他实在不忍心告诉病人的丈夫，与他共度了40年的妻子可能永远不能康复！我的眼泪也流了下来，为那可恶的病魔，为这世间还有维系40年的婚姻，也为丈夫这么多年来在医院目睹了无数垂死的病人后还能有如此的感动和怜悯！

我们都有坚定的信念。上周四，一个朋友到我家来，向我诉说了她的忧虑，她担心丈夫逐渐丧失与癌症抗争的勇气和信心。周三，我和一个朋友吃午饭，她正努力使离婚后的生活步入正轨。周四，一个邻居打电话告诉我，可怕的老年痴呆症困扰着她公公。周五，小时候和我一起玩的一个伙伴打来长途电话告诉我，他父亲去世的噩耗。我放下电话，心想，一周内竟连续发生这么多令人揪心的悲剧。泪水模糊了我的双眼。我走出家门，想做点什么，却发现窗外橙色的剑兰花开了，儿子和伙伴们玩耍的欢声笑语传到耳边，邻居正在举办婚宴，新娘子穿着缎面有花边修饰的婚纱，把花束抛向欢呼雀跃的朋友。那一夜，我把这一切都讲给丈夫听，我们相互慰藉。人生轮回、悲欢离合总会伴随我们，我们就这样相濡以沫地生活下去。

最后一个原因，我们互相了解。我知道斯科特每晚都会把换洗的衣服扔向洗衣篓，却总也扔不进去；我知道多数约会他都会迟到，因而会被罚吃剩下的最后一块巧克力。他知道我睡觉时喜欢用枕头把头蒙起来，我时常忘带钥匙，进不了家门，因此我也会自觉地吃掉最后一块巧克力。

我猜想，或许是舒适的感觉让我们的爱延续至今。天空和昨天一样，并没有变得更蓝，它仍是我们熟悉的颜色；我们也不再有年轻的感觉：我们经历的太多了，而正是这些经历使我们成长，让我们更理性，使我们不断增值，构成了我们的回忆。

我希望我们已经得到了使爱情延续的秘诀。结婚时，斯科特在我的戒指上刻上了罗伯特·布朗宁的诗词：“陪我到老吧！”我们始终恪守着这一誓言。