第8章 Abandon And Obtain人生舍与得(1)

The Paradox Of Happiness 矛盾的幸福

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What is the definition of“happiness？”Is it material wealth filled with fancy cars，a dream house，extravagant furs and jewelry？Or is happiness simply having a roof over your head？Food in the fridge？Having a child？A pet？A swimming pool？A designer Cucci bag？Parents？Grandchildren？Love？Money？The perfect job？Winning the Lottery？

According to the American Heritage Dictionary，“happiness”is derived from the Middle English word hap meaning“Luck”.But does happiness really have to do with“luck”？Based on this description，one could assume that if you avoided a fatal traffic accident but got fired by coming late to work，you would be filled with“happiness？”.Is it luck or what you make of it？Maybe，“happiness”is exactly defined by its indirect alias；happiness—perhaps，happiness is in fact defined by the fortune that we permit to happen.

Do you recall a time—let’s say when you were about 5years old—what defined happiness back then？Was it getting a puppy for Christmas？Or maybe，you were a child of divorce；and all you wanted was for Mom and Dad to get back together again？Then as you got older，you were hoping that someone would ask you to the prom that would’ve made your day，maybe your life for the moment.During college，good grades made you happy but it was short-lived.Because in the real world，you had to look for a job，and competition was stark.It’s an employer’s world you thought.But then，you got the perfect job—now you could be happy—or could you？

Life requires more than just what we want.Inevitably，one must understand to truly find“happiness，”he must make his own happiness happen.Sounds a bit redundant，but truthfully，there is no set guidelines that will bring one happiness.There is no“magic wand”we can wave to bring joy into our lives.Human nature thrives on the thrill of the chase.We dream and we hope for the next big break—it is the grand adventure of living.

We are hopeless creatures of comfort.We like having and accumulating things.Whether one admits to it or not，to a certain degree，we all try to keep up with“the Johns”.We work so we can pay our rents，mortgage，credit card debts，school loans，car payments…….The list goes on and on.And at some point，we realize，that aside from having most of what we want，we still aren’t happy.Now since we’ve learened to adapt to new standards which we’ve created for ourselves，we find that we have less time，less patience，less sleep，which equates to more stress，more worry and more aggravation.So，is happiness honestly just comprised of“things”？

Sometimes，we virtually trade our lives for not only basic neccessities，but for excessive items and services as well.We become so obsessedwith finding happiness，that we lose sight of the fact that happiness is within-always.Certainly you’ve heared of individuals trying to“find themselves”，or“rediscover themselves”.The reason they are attempting these innovative approaches is because they are seeking inner happiness.But the point has been missed—Happiness is already there.

Disappointments and tragedies in life will come and go，but happiness never leaves you.The human’s capacity to be resilient to trials is unfathomable.We can lose our jobs，but be grateful for our spouses.We can lose our homes to nature，but be thankful to be alive.

Happiness is a perception of each individual.We are instinctively compelled to find fault in our lives.By human nature，we begin our “fault-finding”mission the moment we’re capable of free-thinking.It is then，that we lose sense of self-worth and the bigger picture of vitality altogether.Stuck in the patterns of the happiness paradox，we simply cannot find where our happiness has gone.

It’s not a matter of bargaining，it’s not an issue of money or fame-instead，happiness is what you resolve to accept.If we live through optimistic hope；if we dare to dream；if we empower ourselves to fully live；then we have regained our sense of happiness.There is no in between.There is no other replacement.We only have one physical life to live—we have no choice but to make the most of it.

满足是一个人幸福，但是渴望完美、追求成功就要有野心、有斗志、永不满足……

参考翻译（修立芬）

幸福的定义是什么？是有足够的钱去买喜欢的名车，理想的豪宅，奢侈的皮毛和珠宝？拥有一座可以遮风挡雨简单的小屋？还是冰箱里塞满的食物？或者是生一个宝宝？养一只宠物？拥有一个游泳池？一款库奇包？从事完美的工作？父母身体健硕？有一个外孙？拥有一份爱情？有钱？有理想的工作？还是中彩票？

美国传统词典中，“幸福”这个词是中世纪英语中的“hap”，就是“运气”这个词衍生来的。可是幸福真的和运气有关吗？那不妨设想一下，假如你幸运的逃过了一场致命的车祸，但却因为迟到被解雇。这种情况下你还“幸福”吗？是运气作祟还是你自己造成的呢？或许幸福应该这样定义——幸福或许就是命中注定发生的事情。

回想一下过去，5岁的你觉得幸福是什么呢？也许是在圣诞节时收到一只小狗。也许当时你生活在单亲家庭，你的幸福就是父母能破镜重圆。随着年龄再大一点，你的幸福也许是希望有人邀请你跳舞，那会成为你一生中最重要的一天。大学的时候，你的幸福也许是优异的成绩，但这毕竟是短暂的。因为当你走入社会，你要去找工作，面对激烈的竞争。接着你找到一份非常好的工作，此时你一定觉得自己很幸福，对吗？

生活对我们的索取往往比我们想象的多。我们要明白这个道理，并去寻找真正的“幸福”，然后努力使自己的幸福发生。没有一本明确的指南会告诉你如何收获幸福，也没有一挥就可以把幸福带入我们生活的魔棒，这听上去很多余但却是事实。人类在不断地追求中成长，我们梦想着、期望着下一个重大转机——那就是生活中的大冒险。

我们喜欢享乐，我们喜欢拥有和积累“物质”。不管人们承认与否，一定程度上我们都喜欢和周围的人攀比。我们不得不工作因为我们还要付房租、抵押贷款、信用卡的贷款、助学贷款、买车付款等等。这些账单没完没了。有时我们会恍然发现，原来即使我们什么都拥有了，还是不“幸福”。既然我们已懂得去接受这些由我们自己制定的新生活标准，就会发现：时间少了，耐心少了，睡眠少了，相应的却有更多压力，更多忧愁，更多怒火。所以，幸福真的是由“物质”构成的吗？

事实上，有时候我们以自己的生命换取的不仅仅是生活必需品，还有很多无谓的物质享受和服务。我们变得如此热衷于去寻找幸福以至于我们都忽视了这个事实：幸福是一种内在的感受。你肯定听过身边的人说要“找回自己”，或者“重新认识自己”。他们努力地尝试这些新颖方法只因为他们想寻找内心的幸福。但是有一点大家都没有注意到——其实幸福就在眼前。

人生，总会有失望和悲剧来了又还，但是幸福却从来没离开过你。人类的抗压能力强大到无法估量。即使失去了工作，我们仍为伴侣的不离不弃而心存感激。即使天灾毁掉了家园，我们仍为活着而心存感激。

幸福是一种感觉。我们会本能的去强迫自己发现生活中的不足。当我们有能力自由思考的时候，就开始了这项“吹毛求疵”的任务。接着我们失去了对自我价值的感知，也失去了生命的活力。我们陷入了矛盾的幸福中，最后连自己都找不到幸福在哪里了。

这不是讨价还价的问题，也不是钱和名誉的问题。事实上，幸福是你决心要接受的东西。如果我们的生活充满了积极向上的希望，我们自身敢于梦想、充实自己、活的潇洒，那我们就可以重新找回幸福感。没有商量的余地，也没有替代品。人的一辈子只能活一次，所以我们除了利用这次机会好好地生活别无选择。

Let Go 顺其自然

Anonymous 佚名

The experience of love is an inner state.When this is present，you are happy，alive，and free.You feel good about yourself and good about life.As you bring the experience of love into your life，life works effortlessly and great things happen.

The opposite of love is fear and upset.When this is present，you lose down inside.You lose your creativity and your ability to see clearly.You get tunnel vision and you interact in a way that almost always makes your situation worse.