第10章 萨姆的意图

Sam's Purpose

佚名 / Anonymous

For years now， I have held the hands of the dying. “How can you bear it？” people ask me. “Hospice nursing must be so difficult. How can you stand to be around so much suffering？” Those people don’t understand that if you have the courage to look beyond suffering， you encounter triumph. I know this for a fact. Sam taught me.

An unlikely teacher， this infant of mine. Then one of the pediatricians said I couldn’t take him home from the hospital after his birth. Disappointment had struck me then， as a new twenty-year-old mother， but fear lodged in me when the doctor mentioned serious problems and the need for more tests. Shock and disbelief gripped me when he predicted Sam would not improve. When I found a small voice to ask what we could do now， he seemed almost irritated at my lack of comprehension. As if to settle the matter once and for all， he blurted， “Your baby is severely retarded. He will probably never roll over， never sit， never crawl， never walk or talk.” Then， returning to an attempt at advising with compassion， he said， “You’re young and healthy. You can have more children. You should begin to think of institutional placement for him.” I stopped listening， turned， and walked a few feet toward my hospital bed. I pulled the curtain between me and the world and began to cry as quietly as I could. I looked at the waiting baby layette beside me and began to sob harder.

For the first week I returned every day to stand and stare silently through the nursery window， longing to hold and comfort that baby and myself. Afterward I left and cried for hours more. I woke up every night ready to shake off the nightmare， only to feel the more helpless facing the reality. But by the beginning of the second week， I began to feel myself steeling. I stopped crying and did not cry about anything for a very long time. Sam needed me.

My little boy， stricken with cerebral palsy and severe sight and hearing impairments， came home to me after one month. Sam’s life has not passed easily. Crayons never seemed a natural fit in his hand. The sound of the ice cream truck never reached his ears to cheer him on a summer day. No one ever chose him to play on the kickball teams hastily thrown together in the street by the neighborhood kids. Yet he has triumphed over every one of the predictions， the imposed limitations dropped upon him by a medical community lacking faith in the spirit of one small boy. With countless hours of therapy sessions， love， encouragement—and mostly his own unbelievable motivation—he learned to speak， read， write， and at age nine walk on his own. And interestingly， as Sam learned to walk， I discovered my independence. As he learned to speak， I too found my voice. The first time he made a joke and a stranger laughed heartily， I discovered the unblemished joy of a life—any life—well lived.

Because of Sam， I needed to hurry to find the spirited person within myself that I had never seen before. That kind of purpose and spirit has carried me through a humiliating divorce， a number of moves， college， and a career in hospice nursing. It has given me the courage to change my life from one of sterile comfort to one of rich love. Sam needed someone to respond， stand up for， and speak for him. He needed someone to begin to turn the world right side up again.

That day in the nursery， thirty-three years ago， I knew that he trusted me to do it， so I became that person. With my baby’s support， I became the mother he needed. In the process， I also became the person I always wanted to be...

多年来，我总是握着临终前的人的手。“你怎么能受得了？”人们问我，“临终前的人是很痛苦的，你怎么能老是被这种痛苦所环绕？”其实，他们不明白，如果你有决心超越苦难，你就会获得胜利，这是个真理，是萨姆教给我的。

我的婴儿萨姆——似乎一个不可能的老师，出生后，儿科医生说发现他患有严重的疾病，需要进一步检查，所以，我不能带他回家，我惊呆了，当时，我只有二十岁，是第一次做母亲。当听到医生说萨姆的病无法治愈时，我无法接受这个事实，我小声地问医生怎样补救时，他几乎认为我的理解力太差，因而有些被激怒了。为了让我不再问下去，他不假思索地说：“你的孩子严重弱智，将来很可能不会翻身，不会坐，不会爬，不会走路，不会说话。”接着，他又安慰我说：“你年轻，健康，可以再生孩子，把这个婴儿送到收养所。”我无法再听下去，转身走向我的病床。我拉下帘子，把自己和世界隔开，然后，偷偷地哭。我看着身边的婴儿用品，哭得更伤心了。

第一个星期，我每天都会去育婴室的门前，透过窗户，看自己的孩子，希望能够抱抱他，以安慰他，也安慰自己。我离开后，会哭上几个小时。我每天都会被噩梦惊醒，更加地感觉到无助。到了第二个星期，我就感觉自己坚强起来了，我不哭了，而且，很长时间，没有因为任何事情哭过。萨姆需要我。

我那患有脑瘫，并有严重视力和听力缺陷的儿子，一个月后回到家里，回到我的身边。萨姆的生活很艰难。他不曾握起过画笔。夏天，卖冰激凌的车的响声也不能使他快活起来，因为他听不见。想在街道上踢足球的邻里的孩子们，找人时，也不会找他。然而，他推翻了所有关于他的预言。医生因为不相信小男孩的精神力量，而断定他会有多种缺陷。但由于长时间全方位的治疗，加上爱和鼓舞的力量——当然，更重要的是他惊人的努力——他学会了说话、读书、写字，并且在九岁时，他可以自己走路了。有趣的是，萨姆学会走路后，我也有了独立感；他学会说话时，我也开始听到自己的声音了；他第一次讲笑话使一个陌生人开怀大笑，我更感到了生命的——任何一个充实生命的纯真与美好。

为了萨姆，我必须做一个意志坚强的人，尽管我从来都不曾是这样一个人。有了这样的目的和精神力量，我才经受住了一次让我感到耻辱的离婚、几次搬家，我才能大学毕业，我才有勇气选择重病护理这份职业。也正是有了这样的目的，我才有勇气放弃安逸无聊的生活选择充满爱的生活。萨姆需要有人打理，有人支持，有人为他说话，需要有人把他不公平的世界重新摆正。

三十三年前的那天，在育儿室里，我就感到他相信我就是他需要的那个人，所以我就成为了这样的一个人。在我的孩子的激励下，我成了他所需要的母亲。同时，我也成为了一个我一直想成为的人。

记忆填空

1. Disappointment had struck me ， as a new twenty-year-old mother， but fear lodged in me the doctor mentioned serious problems and the for more tests. Shock and disbelief gripped me when he predicted Sam would not .

2. I stopped ， turned， and walked a few feet toward my hospital bed. I pulled the curtain between me and the and began to cry as quietly as I could. I looked at the waiting layette beside me and began to sob harder.

佳句翻译

1. 其实，他们不明白，如果你有决心超越苦难，你就会获得胜利，这是个真理，是萨姆教给我的。

2. 我每天都会去育婴室的门前，透过窗户，看自己的孩子，希望能够抱抱他，以安慰他，也安慰自己。

3. 为了萨姆，我必须做一个意志坚强的人，尽管我从来都不曾是这样一个人。

短语应用

1. …he seemed almost irritated at my lack of comprehension.

lack of：没有，缺乏；不足，不够

2. I woke up every night ready to shake off the nightmare， only to feel the more helpless facing the reality.

shake off：摆脱；抖落